None The Wiser

Five hours with a theory nerd, reviewing and editing a book chapter, and I am none the wiser. All I still know is that theory and I are not the best of friends, that I don't care about the why nearly as much as the what or how most of the time, that I don't care for academia nearly as much as I should (?), that I cannot do this (or don't want to enough?)... Its bloody awful. Why am I here? What on earth possessed me to even dally in any sort of cultural studies? This is NOT me, and I should stop trying to force the issue. I need to find new ways to engage, to think, to create, to analyse, to exist- this is not where I should be. Maybe I should quit my PhD?

I want to go and study art, make installations, work with my body instead of theorising it. Mostly I just want to be.