Saturday, October 21, 2006

Sip The Honey and Spit Out The Sting

How could something so good turn so bad?
I'd do it all again 'cos you're the best I ever had
- Paul Kelly
'Darling It Hurts'

Its probably a touch early for end of year summing up, but just struck me that the profit-and-loss statement for this year is in disarray- and I can only hope I end up in the black somehow? Fun trip to Germany with MostOuchyEx, almost marrying MOE, starting my PhD, traumatic dumping by MOE, being dumped by the friends who took her side, falling in love with The Lost Boy, being homeless for a while, reclaiming my kinkiness, sweet moments of utter joy and magic, my first flesh hook suspension, a dear friend dying, a fabulous road-trip to Lismore, plans to move up North (with a partner-in-shenanigans, but now solo), losing TLB as lover and mate, hypnotherapy, panic attacks and the return of my post-traumatic-stress, forgetting who I was/am, some very nice shows, some very nice new piercings, lots of new friends and playmates, getting back in touch with some old friends and playmates, quitting smoking, starting smoking again, lactating, many parties, turning vegaquarian again, learning to sleep alone again, finding a beautiful place to live with wonderful people and drinking much beer. Grateful for what I have gained but still very sad about some of what I have lost. And so hard to accept that some it is really, truly gone.

Sip the honey and spit out the sting.


Blogger whoretic said...

I had a pretty hideous year last year, but what made it amazing in the end was the learning that came from that - by getting to a point where I knew something had to change within me - sometimes what can put your year into the black is where something shifts - so you can promise yourself you'll never be here again - with confidence coz you've done the inner work required.

8:57 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoretic makes a great point. I think that "in the black" as it were is now. That time when you realise where things are, and stop the revs going backward or in neutral and actually go in gear to get back to going forward.

good luck.

9:51 am  
Blogger t0xxx said...

ahem... it think someone is trying to usurp my stalker status... just for the record, that *wasn't* me ! hehe

AND I'd furthermore like to add that my profit and loss statement has also been somewhat more red than black, but as whoretic so perfectly articulated, it's the learnings that come from the losses that balance things out. I'm big on learning...

might take a few rounds to shift those gears smoothly and not slip (apologies to anonymous above for grabbing zir metaphor and running with it... probably too far...) but those, as a friend said *grand recompositional shunt of change* moments are such an epiphany, such a liberation from tired old crap that the losses seem worth it (on a good day)

I'm particularly partial to entertaining misery and bemoaning my losses, so it's good to be reminded of the value of hard head/heart work.

12:09 pm  
Blogger Zoo said...

Oooh, a new Stalker!

Normally I am rather keen on learning, and most philosophical about how what doesn't kill me makes me stronger etc but sometimes its a bloody steep learning curve and a damn hard slog... and beginning to think that about one epiphany a week is my limit... this year has been EXHAUSTING! Even hyper energetic little wears-out-her-partners-and-playpals Zoo is totally drained... just once I would like things to be SIMPLE. To just work, somehow. For people to keep their promises, for things to just run smoothly with no bullshit to sort out!

Blah, but then it would be BORING I suppose?

4:52 pm  
Blogger whoretic said...

Ooooohhhhhhhhh! so many stalkers and strangers, I'm off to slip into a new frock and slick on some lippy and hang around your comments section, Ms Zoo. Wait til someone comes in to leave a comment, and drop my hanky....

2:08 pm  

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