Friday, April 18, 2008

Rules Of Engagement

This is what I expect:

I expect that anyone I am playing with will treat me with respect. This means they will return my calls and texts. They will acknowledge me when they see me out in public unless we have agreed otherwise. This means them not being a c*&t- tease towards me, not leading me on when they have no intention of playing with me that day/night/week/scene. Not suddenly disappearing mid-conversation. Not lying about what chemicals they have taken, so that I can not work out how to handle them. Not telling me to wait for them and returning two hours later. Not keeping me dangling when I could be playing with someone else. I expect that they will value my time and energy, and not take it for granted that I will hang around whilst they make up their minds what to do with me. I can do ‘later’, I can do ‘never again.’ I just need to know what is going on.

I don’t what to play ‘girlfriends’ with anyone at the moment. Or ‘monogamous partners’. Or ‘jealous one night stand who turns into a stalker.’ I have shagged about with just shy of a score of people this year, all muddled up between each other, and have no problem with the fact that my playmates will do the same. I actually prefer it if they do, as it makes me somewhat more easy about the variety and volume of my own encounters. Just don’t be rude about it.

And this is where I seem to fall into problems with people. You want to play with someone else, good- but don’t do it in such a way that you are deliberately rubbing it in my face, don’t sneak into my line of vision with the latest half-naked giggly thing on a chain just to see whether I will jump. You want to just go out and take a bucket-load of shiny stuff and dance without having to speak to me, tell me that you need a night off. You don’t want to play with me anymore, then let me know and let’s just leave it at that. But it seems to get turned back on me if I state that I don’t want to be ignored on a whim, I don’t want to have to be asked by my friends ‘what’s up with her? why has she just walked out without saying goodbye to you?’ and I don’t want to have to wonder why myself- this is somehow too much to ask? As I see it, this doesn’t make me crazy, or overly possessive, or clingy, or unreasonable. If I send you a quote or a link or a picture that I know you will like, or wear something you have told me turns you on, its not a proposal of marriage or a profession of undying love. I like to make people happy, I like to share the nice things I find, I like to give someone I care about (no matter how briefly or how intensely) something to make their day brighter, to provide a pleasant surprise at the end of a long day or a moment of joy for no reason other than it is a nice thing to do. You don’t have to say thankyou, but it doesn’t mean you owe me if you acknowledge a nice deed.

So, back to basics yet again. Mind your manners.

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