Monday, May 19, 2008

Eating My Words

I have just been blasted for spreading gossip and speaking out of turn. I have some idea of what this is about, and am now issuing a blanket apology for anything innappropriate I may have said about my current situation or the people in it and the way that I have been treated by some folk in my world, to whoever I said it to and whoever it was about.

It has been a VERY rough time for me lately, and I have been fired at from several directions at once without any warning, and I have been VERY hurt by things that have gone on and things that I have heard said about me and to me directly. But is true- I have retaliated and reacted in ways that have not been particularly mature or restrained and I should have known better. It is also true that in many cases I was not the one who initiated the dialogue, though this does not mean that I should have been stupid enough to engage in it with people who obviously tell tales out of school (and I suspect often do not report accurately- please don't put your words in my mouth). And to those who recieve these reports and decide I am the devil incarnate, I would suggest that sometimes it is wisest not to believe everything you hear uncritically. I would like it on record that that I am not the only one who sometimes speaks with a forked tongue, and that one does not always know who ones friends are.

Gossip is dangerous, and I want to opt out entirely from the ugliness that is going on. It has long been apparent that I am totally useless at the whole 'he said blah she said blah and then this happened' crapola game, the whole bitchiness that is so often part of this scene, the 'who is talking to who and who shagged who's girlfriend behind whose back' and don't want to play anymore. Its not pleasant, its not neccessary, its not a good thing, its not what I signed up for and I don't know how to cope with it. I am willing to cop the grief for my part in this whole horrible mess, and to this end will be staying the hell away from all involved as much as possible. That is as much as I can do.

Sorry. And no, I don't really want to talk about it.

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