Daddy Zoo

Procure for them (or give them the means to procure) tickets, volunteer shifts, outfits, piercing supplies, someone to pierce them, toilet sex, a place to stay, coffee, food, addresses, phone numbers, pre-party drinks, car rides, taxis, spending money and quirky adventures.

Pat them, cuddle them, listen to them, organise them, socialise them, let them hide behind your skirts, teach them manners and allow them to crawl into bed with you when they are scared.

Then walk home alone when they go dancing without you. Ah, sometimes I do feel SO parental! My charges are all sorted out with (most of) what they need and I can sleep easily.