Thursday, April 26, 2007

Breasts Need Rest

Today I have been extremely 'close to the water' (as SK would say) ever since I woke up. Feel a little hormonally unbalanced , a little 'crying at kittens', a little melancholy, a little bewildered, a little sleepy and a little lost. Not altogether sure why, but have an inkling...

Haven't had the inclination to pump or take a single milk-drug since the Divine Bovine show on Friday night. Can still spray quite a bit from both breasts though! They feel a bit full, but not hard, and getting the odd sharp pain but just can't bring myself to do anything about it. Figured they would have dried up by now, but seems they are more forthcoming with exuberant displays now than when I was coaxing and coddling them. Thinking I might let them loose of the lactation for a while all the same. Between the performance and the paper last week, and doing Milk'N'Cookies roving act for Scabaret last night its all been emotionally quite exhausting, on a number of levels, and even if the 'feeding' isn't 'real' all of the time, there's still a sense of being eaten alive (add to this the EAT-scar carved into my belly which pulls painfully tight and threatens to reopen when I move with too much abandon, and hurts when I am hugged too hard, and the hook-marks in my back that sharply remind me of my proclivity to pull myself apart whenever I dance too enthusiastically, and my body is constantly and consciously aware of itself).

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