Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Trans, All Of That

Working on a trans* (etc) float for Pride Parade, and going to be on the back of the truck holding a sign. And it makes me REALLY nervous on some level. Like outing myself. Publicly. All over again, same yet different. As something other than boy or girl. You know, like a Monster.

True, I have been on bi floats and leather floats and outed myself as big old poly-kinky-queer freakling many times before. And it was fine. But this, well, this is just new I guess... and somehow less acceptable. Gender-change is one thing, but gender-dismissal feels like something else altogether. Like a loss, like an emptiness, like a hole with nothing to fill it. This is scary.

How many ways are there to fall?

Brave face, and fake it 'til you make it.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Jay said...

OMG this blog ate my comment!!!!!

5:40 pm  
Blogger Zoo said...

bugger! i was quite looking forward to it...

5:51 pm  
Anonymous Jay said...

hmm ok i try again...i said that it's a matter of perception anyway... i mean you could be on that float for any number of reasons... that by being on the float you aren't necessarily outing yourself any more than you want to, cos it could be about anything

eg I would get on the float to support Aram, to support you, to support trans rights and visibility, because i believe that gender is a continuum and i have walked different places on it at different times.. does that all make sense? anyway i'll support you all in spirit!

11:44 am  
Blogger Zoo said...

yes, that makes perfect sense :)

and yes, i do realise that i could often be perceived of as the 'and their friends' part of the equation in a lot of activism/socialising that i do (eg bears and their friends, trans* and their friends)-- its not that i fear that suddenly people will know me as 'that unidentifiable tranny-thingy' its more that I know why I am there... and that is still something that i grapple with *shrug*.

and in some ways its more a fear of NOT being recognised as part of it, than outing myself anyway... hmm, it is rather complex :)

anyhow, thanks for the support!

xx

11:51 am  

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