Thursday, February 19, 2009

25 Things You Never Needed To Know About Me

In case some of you don't get my facebook notes:

1. My favourite smells include WD40, frangipani, leather (despite being vegetarian), diesel, amyl on a dancefloor, and the spot behind my monster's right ear. I have a friend across the country who asked me to send her my smell in a postbag.
2. Recently I made a decision to just FORGIVE everyone that had hurt me in the past. It made me feel a lot better and far less injured, but takes some willpower to keep on top of.
3. When I first got to Berlin I waited hours for a friend in OstBanhhof (?), a train station. I was so inspired by Germans, even sausage-eating coffee-drinking pensioner Germans, that I wrote my first piece of erotica. I was in love and lust with that city from the moment I smelled him.
4. I left school when I was fourteen, despite being some sort of freak-geek that came top of almost everything. Or perhaps because of that. When I left school I could do calculus and complicated algebra, and now I cannot divide a restaurant bill. I miss the science-maths side of my brain. I still suffer from bouts of intellectual insecurity, even though I am close to finishing a PhD. No, its not logical.
5. When I was 17 I became engaged, to a man. 10 years later the relationship ended, we still weren't married, and I had never shagged anyone else or done anything kinky. By the end of the same year I had four partners of assorted genders and a highly developed threshold for whips and canes. I was always a very bad sub though, and have a tendency to top even when I am on the bottom.
6. I took acid twice when I was 14 or 15, and then didn't touch chemicals again until I was 27. They still make me nervous, both when I take them and when other people do. Much of this comes from having too many drugged-out partners and watching so many people in my community just disintegrate. That said, I have had periods of alcoholic despair and disaster that have put me in very bad places. In the past year or so I have made very conscious efforts not to go there anymore if I can help it-- and have been moderately successful. Still working on it.
7. I never understood how girls were supposed to act or interact, despite considering myself one. I avoided this for years by mostly hanging around with men, but when I started shagging women there was no avoiding it really. I still cannot compete at gossip, bitchy put-downs or stealing people's partners, but can now play agony aunt, breastfeed and bake vegan chocolate cakes. Maybe that just makes me a Sensitive New Age Fag?
8. I have hung by hooks twice, but not for very long, and want to increase the time I can stay up. I have also done a few flesh pulls, which are simply delicious. I cannot be all cool about piercing or tattooing most of the time, and just giggle and swoon about and moan when being skewered or inked. This disturbs some body-hackers, strangely. What, its NOT a turn-on or freaking big adrenalin rush for everyone?
9. When I was a teenager I used to cut myself with razor blades. It was mostly for dramatic effect, or so I thought at the time. I also refused to go to school, and ended up at some sort of junior happy house for troubled teens. Living with a girl who only quacked like a duck to communicate made me realise that I had a long way to go in the eccentricity stakes.
10. Despite being a gender-bending childless fag I have lactated three times, for reasons of curiosity and art. I wish I found it more sexually entertaining, as its a lot of hard work to maintain and if it was pervy for me I would probably stick at it for longer.
11. My biological family is quite physically eccentric, and I often felt different for being 'normal'' of body- no wheels, all my limbs, pretty average sensory capacities.
12. I love my family a lot. It makes me very sad that so many of my friends didn't have the same level of care and unconditional love that I experienced as a child, and still experience. They don't quite get a lot of the queer stuff, but when I told my mum I didn't think of myself as female she said 'I didn't think you had for years' and I realised that maybe they knew me better than I ever imagined.
13. I grew up Catholic, which is a fine beginning for a pervert and an artist. I did take all of it rather seriously, planning to save myself for marriage (if you didn't count oral) and having a thing for high collars and long skirts. I led my first Communion procession and used to get to read a lot in church. Somehow I always missed out on liturgical dancing though, which made me realise I wasn't one of the pretty and graceful ones. Either that, or I was one of the few they could trust to read out loud.
14. I am half-British, giving me a UK passport and a love of BBC television shows. The Bill (early), Rumpole, To The Manor Born, The Good Life, The Famous Five, The Wombles, Basil Brush, The Goodies-- such things still make me squirm in childish delight! I almost cry when I hear that Thames music. when the picture comes up.
15. When I was young I wouldn't let people shorten my name to Cath because I thought it sounded like a lesbian name. Go figure.
16. I tried for years to convince myself that I could be kind of vegetarian whilst still eating seafood, but have given up all animal flesh now. Still can't quite convince myself to go vegan though!
17. I love Bears, and consider myself trans-species sometimes, and believe I am a 120 kilo Bear trapped in a 65 kilo Girly Body.
18. My first tattoo was a very badly worked butterfly on my back. I fainted twice, and almost threw up, even though it didn't hurt. It is tiny, and a cliche.
19. I have a huge list of things I would like to do after my thesis, including a documentary, and possibly a book based on it. I also want to work with glass, learn metal work and be brave enough to breathe fire. That is as much of a career plan as I can manage.
20. I would love to keep bees, so I had honeycomb available all the time. There is something incredibly erotic about apiary.
21. I have resigned myself to the fact that what I do-- academia, art, etc-- does not make much money but sometimes I still get jealous of people with houses and cars and expensive bespoke suits.
22. I am a tragic old alterna-goth thing at heart, listening to Cure, Smiths, Siouxsie, Lydia Lunch, Nick Cave and such. I often believe myself to be a character from a Lloyd Cole lyric, or maybe one of Elvis Costello's lost loves, and my chosen name is from a Birthday Party song. For years I wanted to be Leonard Cohen's muse. Or the animal in the Hunters and Collector's 'Dog'. I'm licking your hand all over.
23. I like being naked. A lot. Especially at bathhouses, saunas, beaches, spas.
24. Size matters, and I never pack soft.
25. My new favourite word is 'mingent'. It is an adjective, and means 'discharging urine'. It also has the word minge in it, and makes me think of damp fur. Woof.

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