Saturday, July 28, 2007

Let Me Hear Your Body Talk...

I'm sure you'll understand my point of view
We know each other mentally
You gotta know that you're bringin' out
The animal in me

Let get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let me hear your body talk

- Olivia Newton-John
'Physical'

While stumbling home from The Sly the other night with MO'M, I started rambling about how hard it was for me to perform, and how uncomfortable I had been about my body for a long time. For someone so unabashed about showing my bits these days I sure had/have my share of body issues.

For some reason, this revelation seem to suprise MO'M. Then I got to thinking about how freakishly uptight I had been, even in comparison with the 'normals' (not just shameless queer libertines), and its all really quite odd. For example: I didn't go out in public bare-legged, even in summer, for 10 years or so. Naturally, this meant I didn't go swimming for this whole period, and the warmer months were hellish. Stockings or tights were essential, and rarely even fishnets at that (too much skin showing, and far too sexy). I never showed any cleavage, not a hint of titty flesh ever on display. From the time I budded breasts until I was 27 I never went out without underwire underneath my conservatively necked shirts or dresses. The vast majority of the time over these years I would not venture from my house without being fully made up- foundation, liquid eyeliner and dark lipstick (yes, there was a substantial goth period). All of my swooshy outfits were floorlength, or close to it. I didn't own any skirts above the knee, and certainly not any pants or trousers. I had lots of earpiercings, and my nostril done, but anything below there was not open to the touch of strangers. I even found getting my eyebrows waxed a little uncomfortable. I always had long hair, and though tempted to shave part of it for years was too weirded out by the exposure of skin this would entail to do so. My body had very strict boundaries. I wouldn't dance in public unless I was extremely drunk. I wouldn't wear tampons, as it involved too much intimate contact with bloody bits. I had my hymen until I was 20. I don't even remember the first time I had a pap test, but know I had put it off years longer than I should have. Yet I was strangely sensual, and loved sex from the moment I discovered the power of the jets in my friend's swimming pool when I was about 8 (or was it some unexpected pleasures of certain examinations at the doctor's?). I was an incredible flirt from the age of 15 or 16, and a rampant indulger in the self-erotic arts.

Ah, there is much more to be said here, but enough for now. Time for a dance in the sunshine, some French toast and maple syrup, a mud mask, a bubble bath, and to start on the show and outfit I promised AuntyC I'd do at her party tonight.

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