Tuesday, November 07, 2006

DumDeDum

This photo is of my Carnival Kewpie Doll interpretation. Unfortunately when GC and I arrived at the shindig it was to find that only one other person had fancydressed up. Apparently there were two dress options: basic black and Halloween. And given that the guest list mostly consisted of aging leather faggots its not hard to guess which option most of them chose. Party was quite quiet and our driver was keen to move on, so we took ourselves and said outfit down to Goth night at The Sly. My attire was slightly more appropriate there (and rather widely appreciated), but I was still strangely self-conscious about not wearing much more than feathers and frills in what is essentially just a local pub. Also, negotiating toilet trips involving that many layers after that many beers was quite a task...

Rest of weekend most consisted of lying about watching odd movies and TV shows. Visited A Certain Boy (ACB) on Friday night and ended up watching much Will and Grace and SpongeBob SquarePants. Then Sunday consisted largely of GC and I staring at the small screen through V For Vendetta (on Guy Fawkes Day), Liberty in Restraint (to show her some of the Sydney kink scene, moi included) , Australian Idol and... gulp... the Da Vinci Code. The latter was not nearly as bad as the book (how could it be?), but then I did fall asleep for a good chunk of it and that may have heightened my enjoyment considerably.

Random Other Musings:

* Not entirely sure why, but decided that I do not wish to wear my collar at the moment. If anyone wants to cut off my breath or lead me astray they can do it with their bare hands.

* Have been thinking about my upcoming facial cutting. How it is taking things the whole body mod thing that one step further, making it even more difficult for me to run back to where I came from and blend in again. How I am feeling this very strong need to alter my body in a way which is both a bold statement of intent, and a preventative measure. I'm considering it somehow in the same way as different surgeries: cosmetic in that it is partly for the aesthetic (it will be pretty to me), reconstructive (to regain a lost function), elective (it has no 'medically sanctioned' reasoning). Something about creating outsides I believe will better match my insides, but also outsides that will alter my insides. What is it I am trying to achieve? Is it a cop-out to change my body to a point where it cannot be what it used to be and do what it used to do rather than trusting that it/I never would want to? Its a commitment, true, but to what? Sometimes I have a burning desire to keep pushing myself to the point of no return but I'm never sure if I can tell if I am already there or even if I am heading in the right direction... Ahh, 'tis late and has been a long day and I am too tired to think too deeply on such matters and more throwing it open for comment at this point in time. I just know that my face keeps telling me just where it needs to be cut, and I will get no rest from it until the blade has done its work.

* Appears the Goddess is smiling upon me today after all. Came home tonight, pulled out my keys and realised my wallet was nowhere to be found in my bag. And the zip was undone. Panicked, ran out of house to retrace steps, up past the pub and almost to the service station and there I found it lying untouched in the middle of the road. Thanks!

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