Conspicuous By Her Absinthe

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Absintheisised.
Absinthetic.

Absinthe, therefore I am.

Trans All Of That

Check out the fabulous genderqueer documentary series Gender Rebel. Have only watched the first two episodes but have fallen in love with them all already...

'You're two women dating each other but you're not a lesbian couple. I don't get it'- says someone's aunt. Exactly! 'My breasts feel like two tumours on the front of my chest' says one of the subjects before top surgery. Precisely!

On a slightly tangental note, I had a weird toilet moment the other night at Uni. Was all frou-frou in makeup and big flouncy lace skirt and hair down so you couldn't even see the undercut and was in my normal-as-I-get office drag and as I came out of the bathroom this woman was entering. She looked at me, stopped dead in her tracks, stared for that split second too long, looked pointedly at the skirted figure on the door and, presumably reassured it was indeed the Ladies, continued on her way. Surreal. But made me smile, a lot.

Don't say you weren't warned

Milk Sucking Preventors for greedy little suckling piggies ;)

Electrical Impulses

You know I hate to ask
But, are friends electric?
-Gary Numan

Generator. Switch. Double adaptor. Power surge. Transformer. High voltage. AC/DC.

If you want to wait 'til later
Hands off my detonater
- Melissa 'Read My Lips'

Bit banging. Blade server. Bootstrap. Buck boost. Daisy chain. Deterministic Jitter. Dithering. Force-Sense. Half-Flash. Handover. Human Body Model. Inductive Kickback. Leakage Inductance. Parasite Power. Partition Locking. Push-Pull. Recovery Time. Shock Sensor. Snubber. Spurious-Free. Strobe. Switching Regulator. Transconductance Amplifier.

We'll always be together
Together in electric dreams
- Moroder/Oakey

Click here for more electrical excitement.

Camping Out

Some outdoors store in Liverpool, circa 1987 or so. Pre-pubescent Zoo, with Father, looking at camping equipment.

Father: How do you get into a sleeping bag?
Innocent Young Girl ShopKeep: Huh?
F: Wake her with a kiss!
Z: *Mortified shuffle off stage left*

Tents. Sparkly fishing lures. Air mattresses. Hiking boots. Backpacks. Camp stoves. Polar fleece. Thick woollen jumpers. BBQs. Thermos flasks. Sleeping bags. Insect repellent. I could spend whole days in places such as Ray's Wonderland of Outdoor Supplies, just sniffing and pawing and purring at portable solar showers and gas lamps.

Endless summers spent in canvass housing. The scents of frangipani and fish gutting tables mingling by the surf club. Freshly-scrubbed sunburned bodies emerging with dripping hair from shower blocks at twilight, ready for big nights at chinese restaurants and bowling clubs. Collecting shells and counting starfish. Lagoons and surf mats and blistering hot birthdays and icecreams from the kiosk of the caravan park. Pinball machines, fish and chips, family games of tennis and teenage flirtations in the pool. Wet cossies, batik dresses, sandals, thongs, the clothing of the carefree.

I can camp it with the best of them.

Ashes to ashes

From 2:30 Sunday morning:

He is a beautiful person. Its his birthday, and we're having a party- which is also his wake. The backyard of his house is full of his wife, his kids, his friends, his family. There is so much love and joy and beer and cigarettes and gossip and talk about the future that I can't think that he is not here. His chair is gone from the living room. His bedroom door is closed. His wife makes a toast praising him, praising us all, telling us that he would have been 5oth this week, that it would have been their 25th wedding anniversary. There are photos of him around the place, and an album of family snapshots which I somehow avoid. I spend the night catching up with old friends, and pretending I'm not getting too pissed. Aside from the toasts and the photos I forget why I am there. Have his nipple ring and the pipe he taught me to smoke in his bag but can't look at either of them.

I thought I had dealt with this all. Its been almost two months since he passed. I was there when he made that trip, I watched it, I held him and called the priest and sat with his body until the funeral people collected it. I was trying to tell myself it was just another party, until my mother rang yesterday and as I was telling her my weekend plans and about tonight and I burst into tears. Tonight I managed to hold it together until I left to get a cab and then crying on the street corner. Ouch. Which bit hurts though?

He donated his body to the Uni so they could use it for research. I have wanted to donate mine to the Uni ever since a friend snuck me into the dissection museum years ago and I became transfixed by the people in jars. I want them to preserve my tattoos though, none of this remove-all-identifying-features nonsense. Actaully, they can use my bits and pieces as art/to make art if they like... as with that guy who does all the plasticisation (?) stuff. On this note, check out Blood Simple.

Hellfire- The Bare Bones

Did the 1am Hellfire show this week. Will give you the 'people' stuff later, but for now I just HAD to write up what happened in the performance, mostly to get it straight in my head. Here is the basic premise, as I put it in the promo:

It's the Virgin Zoo's wedding day, and she's all coy and blushing behind her long white veil as she anticipates her deflowering. Then comes the hitch in her matrimonial dreams- her groom sneaks a peek underneath her finery and jilts her at the altar. Now demure bride turns to demented hybrid and this mad maiden monster is on the hunt for some good loving. She's mute (and mutated), but you wouldn't call her dumb... and she's heading straight for you. Vicious and viscous, virginal and vengeful, this confused young innocent just wants a kiss. Promise.

Sort of unloved gimp jilted at the altar routine.
Came out in full wedding dress and veil, carrying bouquet.
Ben from Polymorph was at the side of the stage holding tray full of useful things.
Started cutting off the heads of the my flowers, rather unsuccessfully as they were tough little things so has to settle for cutting the petals off.
Moved on to slashing up veil, throwing bits into audience.
Then the reveal

If the lights were out
Could you even bear
To kiss her full on the mouth
Or anywhere?'
- Morrissey 'November Spawned A Monster'

Throw veil into crowd, exposing dental gag held into place by a cheek spear.*
Striptease with dress, get man from audience to help take flesh-coloured granny corset-y thing and then I pull the bandaids off my nipples.
Grab scalpel from tray, start cutting love heart into my stomach. Doesn't bleed much, so have to whack it a bit and recut some. Kinda abstract result, more impression of heart shape than accurate rendition of one!
Then wrapped myself all up in a big crepe bandage, with the able assistance of Ben.
Next song comes on, Pussycat Dolls 'Dontcha'.
Remove big granny knickers-with-weird-extra-corset-bit to reveal adult diaper.

Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dontcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me

Have dressed up some raw eggs with smily faces and wedding veils. Use two of them to act out song lyrics, then smash them together and smear egg all over my bloody body.
Rip off nappy, throw into crowd.
As the finale, kneel (?) down and pull cheek spear out. Oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh....

*Was pretty nervous, partly because it was the first solo show I had done in a long time, but mostly because of the cheek spear and dental gag. The whole idea of having my mouth held one, not being able to speak or swallow properly, was quite freaky for me. And then of course, I had never had my cheeks pierced. The dressing room was rather stifling, no air, and I was full of pre-show nerves. Costume on, last minute prop check, and time to roll. Boy was there, which meant more to me than he probably realises- its very much an honour that he supports me through these crazy endeavours. Took me a couple of times to give Rob the go-ahead tp pierce me, but when the spear slid through my left cheek... YUMMY! Then through the other one, and although I yelled it was more from the sublime sensation of that pushing through the barrier than any significant pain. Not that I found it sexual really at all, but it was kind of like that point of giving in involved in fisting, that moment when the flesh just yields... even though the spear was obviously sharp, and my flesh was broken, it felt more like a slow bruising than usual piercings... and when I took it out and it just slid through my flesh... words fail me.

Punk picnice today, visit Boy at the Sly, maybe a friend's housewarming and then off to a dear friend's birthday-party/wake. Have spent the morning just pottering about cleaning. It must be the imminent change in season- have an urge to do washing up and laundry and make things all fresh and sparkly. Roll on Spring!

I'll have one Innoculatte...

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2005 winners:

1. *Cashtration (n)*: The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. *Intaxication*: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.

3. *Reintarnation*: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

4. *Bozone (n)*: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

5. *Foreploy*: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.

6. *Giraffiti*: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. *Sarchasm*: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

8. *Inoculatte*: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

9. *Hipatitis*: Terminal coolness.

10. *Osteopornosis*: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. *Karmageddon*: It's like, when everybody is, like, sending off all
these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's, like, a serious bummer.

12. *Decafalon (n)*: The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. *Glibido*: All talk and no action.

14. *Dopeler effect*: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

15. *Arachnoleptic fit (n)*: The frantic dance you perform just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. * Beelzebug (n)*: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. *Caterpallor (n)*: The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.

18. *Ignoranus*: A person who's both stupid and an asshole

Giggling Girlies

Shyness is nice and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me I wont say no, how could I? -The Smiths 'Ask'

Weekend update... Friday stayed at Uni late, then just crashed at home. Saturday spent the afternoon playing pool with Boy at the Sly, then back to the House in the Hill to get all butched up for the evening's dyke leather party. No matter what configuration of camo pant, harness, boot, collar, leather hotpants, camo skirt, mesh shirt etc I conjured up I just couldn't get comfortable, so in the end I put on a tiny little velvet and lace dress and my cincher. Felt much better! Had been flirting madly with the Buxom Wench, sending multiple texts and emails full of double entendre and explicit filth, and arranged ourselves a dirty date for Monday night (more on this below). But, of course, we both ended up at Princess' birthday drinks at Madame Fling Flong's, with Boy, wherein much lap-sitting and naughty suggestions ensued between the three of us (and several other attendees), before BW and myself get a lift with the Hellfire crew to Zip at the Burdekin. Mmmmm... several beers, some dancing (and face-slapping, ohmygoddess, I do LOVE to be slapped hard) and schmoozing with the gorgeous dirty dykes, then BW and I are up against a wall of the dancefloor being very silly. Then one of us needed to pee, and being girls we just had to go to the bathroom in pairs and... oooooh, I love furtive toilet sex... don't do it nearly enough these days!... and its been such a while since I've been on top in a girl-on-girl bits scenario... I must confess to feeling a little shy and out-of-practice. Still, just like riding a bike I figure, and guess I was doing something right from the reaction... then out of the toilets and to another wall... harder this time, and louder, and with much less inhibition... SWOON!

Sunday was same sex marriage rally with My Favourite Mermaid, Hunter, T and sundry other rabblerousers. Fave banners along the lines of 'I want the right to be as miserable as the breeders' and 'I want to be able to make the same mistakes as straight people' *lol*. Lovely afternoon, not-too-tedious speeches and some couples got 'married' on the back of a truck and I ate icecream in Taylor Square surrounded by some of my favourite persons. Then pool and beer at the Sly with K, MFM and Boy, dinner at the Duke, drinks and more pool then back to Boy's place watch the ScarletHarlot on Australian Idol. Cuddly night chewing and gnawing and sucking on bits of Boy. Orally fixated, moi?

Earlier last week, pre-Zip, I had already been flirting madly with the Buxom Wench, sending multiple texts and emails full of double entendre and explicit filth, and we had arranged ourselves a dirty date for Monday night. Monday comes along and BW arrives at my place and ooh, talk about giggling girlies! It was all deliciously 'first-date', at least from my end, somehow felt like being a teenager sitting in the movies and waiting for your companion to slip that arm around your shoulder! Sitting on the edge of the bed, talking about writing and partners and random nonsense, getting all shy and unsure of myself, of how this is done. Not like we don't know what will happen, and Sire is waiting on the quilt with the amyl and pump-pack of lube, but making it happen, well, there is a lot of fumbling and giggling! How long is it since I have undone a bra (don't even wear one myself anymore)? Who does what to whom and how? How does one ASK, or suggest, activities? Heehee! More giggles and wriggles and blushes and soft sweet silliness- girl-nookie can be so deliciously squishy... Figured it out eventually, and managed to get all harnessed-up and down to business. I LOVE having a cock! I like the weight of it, the feel of it against my clit when I am fucking, walking about with it wobbling about, getting blowjobs (any offers?) and feeling it slide between thighs and breasts and cheeks and that sense of 'yes' and privilege and joy when it is accepted into another's body...

Heaven Scents

Yesterday was the most beautiful blue skied almost-spring morning. Was foooling around at home trying to mix music for Friday's show when Boy ordered me to come to his place and lie in the sunshine with him and the dogs. Couldn't argue with that, so gathered myself and my baggage and headed over. Took the hyperhounds for a run in the park, grabbed some coffee at Canteen, sprawled out on the grass and then noticed the skies clouding over. so head back to the house. Inside, Boy and I tested out just how much shagging the new piercings could take. Quite a lot it seems! Almost passed out more than once, and it weren't because they hurt! They do jingle and jangle about a lot, which is not only quite pleasurable but makes amusing music. Ahh, the sounds of passion...

Lolling around all sleepy and cuddly, we hear a storm on the horizon. Run downstairs to collect washing from the back line. Task accomplished, start making tea and toast. Then think something about the rain sounds a little odd, so look out and its HAILING! Ooooh, it was so excited for a child-like Zoo creature! Hail everywhere! Nothing larger than a pebble really, but heaps of it. Looked like snow across the park, on the rooftops, piled up against buildings... for a minute or two actually thought I was back in Berlin. Temperature dropped about 5 degrees, and there was that freezing wind that cuts right through you... had to run to get to work, past tennis courts and sporting fields all white and slippery, and as I turned the corner from Boy's house the heady scent of eucalyptus almost knocked me over. A small gum tree had been practically stripped, and the scent of cold eucalyptus sent me straight back to skiing as a child and sucking the icicles from leaves of the snow gums. Arrived at work stinking like Boy, with a huge bitemark on my neck, rippped stockings and generally being rather dishevelled. Yummy!

Speaking of stink, the thing that made me finally turn off bioboys completely was waking up one morning in a room reeking of testosterone. But now one of my ultimate horny-making things in the world is the smell (ok, and taste) of my TBoy. Its so... animal? Like when you are walking through the Royal National Park at the right time of year and you can smell the musk of the male deer, that almost overpowering aroma that makes you (well, me) grab the nearest hiker and drag them into the scrub for a bit of a roll about. At a party recently, a certain lovely young lady was commenting that she could smell her bits, and suddenly I wanted to jump her... ohhh... the smells of sex and seduction...

Some of my favourite scents:
Boy
Girls
Blood
WD40. Think they should make lube that smells like that! Actually, there's an idea!*
Leather
Freshly ironed shirts on freshly ironed butches
Amyl
Frangipani
Surfboard wax melting on the dashboard of a Kombi
Fish-gutting tables by the beach
Diesel
Rubber floors
Sweat, depending on the person
Blue cheese
Cigars, and pipes
Good scotch on the breath of a sexy person
Piss (in context)

Will be writing a whole thesis chapter on the scent of breastmilk. Apparently the smell of breastfeeding women can increase the libido of other women, and there is a great account in Susskind's Perfume where wet nurses do not want to suckle the main character because he has no smell of his own. Pheromones designed to attract women are sold in men's toilet vending machines. In any 'feminine hygeine' supermarket aisle you will find sprays designed to make pussies smell not much like pussies. Was reading something recently, though can't recall where, about the ways and reasons that sight and hearing are elevated above taste, touch and smell. Hmmm... all I know is that the smell of Boy just drops me to my knees.

*Good heavens, when Whoretic and I were cock-shopping last week we came across semen-scented lube. For some reason, this made us giggle. Can anyone vouch for what it tastes like?

Stage Frights

You stared down at some crowd from your trapeze
And when you fell they fell down on their knees
And when you broke they scrambled for a piece
And when you spoke I felt their anger freeze

Back in Metropolis, circuses and elephants
Where the oranges grew
Back in Metropolis nothing can ever topple us
When I'm standing with you -The Church 'Metropolis'

Somewhere in the last four or five years I have shifted from a shy suburban girl who could barely dance in public and never went bare-legged or showed any tit to someone who is content prancing about on stage pretty much naked pulling needles out of my head while pretending to be a mermaid. Most of the time this seems like a perfectly reasonable outcome, a logical conclusion to years of longing and plotting to escape my cage. Then at other times Performing Seal Zoo comes as a complete surprise to me. Where did this creature come from? And why?

I went to a seminar a while back at Mac Uni, and a man presented a paper on vulnerability and performance. It really shook me to realise just how vulnerable I sometimes make myself by going out there. Much of what I do (in both the academic and the kink arenas) entails putting a large chunk of my psyche and my physicality out on display without much of a spit and polish, of pushing boundaries, not observing the conventions of being pretty or contained or professional, of showing the struggle and the accidental spillages and the sheer unadulterated fear... but something in me makes me want it not to be too sleek, too restrained, too in control. Maybe I want to surprise myself as much as my audience?

Like when I did the hook suspension at The Hole Re-Opens in May. I was absolutely terrified. It had been a very long time since I had done any major pain work, or any body mods or kinky play and I had serious doubts about my own strengths and stamina. It was a very intense process learning to trust my body again. I knew the rig was solid, I knew Rob could hook me up just fine and it was all technically perfect, but to just let go and believe that my flesh would carry me was almost more than I could manage. First hook in, and I am seeing stars. All four in, and I am just managing to stand. Attached by ropes from hooks to rig, I am sitting on a ladder trying to will myself to take that leap of faith. Start to sink down, let the ropes pull tighter, feel my skin stretching, can't let go though... breathe, breathe, breathe... sink further down, tell them to take the ladder away, suspended for a second or two, then open my eyes and panic... ladder back, R offers to cut me down, but I want to do this, I want to know what it is, I'm not quitting now... look up at the crowd waiting, I had almost forgotten they were there, so many friends/family... try again, make it longer this time, get R to gently push me so I spin around in circles... later a dear friend tells me I looked like an angel with wings just beginning to sprout... It was the rawest 'show' I have ever done. All of my emotions out in the open, written across my face, explicit. Is cathartic, exorcising demons (or exercising demons? unsure). A reclamation of space, a reinitiation into the community. An offering, a gift, a sacrifice. A statement of intention. A thankyou. A sharing of joy. Necessary. Vital.

I felt a rising in my throat
the girls a-saying grace
and the air the viscous air
pressed against my face
and it all got too damn much for me
just got too damn rough
and I pushed away my plate
and said boys I've had enough
and I laid upon the table
another piece of meat
and I opened up my veins to them
and said come on eat - Patti Smith 'Summer Cannibals'

The reactions of the crowd are always fascinating to me. Sometimes people assume that the blood I spill is fake. Sometimes people assume that the theory I talk is real. Sometimes people are too freaked to talk to me afterwards, sometimes they want to fuck me, sometimes they presume that I am submissive, or a Domme, sometimes they want to prove they can outdo me. Sometimes they don't know when/if/how to cheer, sometimes they are scared to laugh. Sometimes they presume me to be an expert on all manner of kinks and curiousities. Sometimes its just that beautiful feeling of connection that needs no other language.

John Wayne is Big Leggy/Best Cock On The Block

Walking like The Duke all day. Woke up this morning barely able to roll over in bed. Pity, as yummy naked person lying next to me- but not in much state to even cuddle. Swaggered home somehow in last night's petticoats and smudges. Stinking like the Sly, all sweat and smoke and the scents of seduction, so drag bits in pieces into shower. Ooooh, warm water on fresh wounds! Then sprayed my ouchiness with the fabulous 'purified ocean water in a spray can' provided by Polymorph (what will they think of next?). *STING*. Couldn't bear the thought of snug knickers or tights, so pulled on softest boxers and baggy-ish camos and go all boy for the day. Need the ball-room as still bigger than average. And seemed entirely appropriate, given the way I was walking and my planned hunting expedition.

Met The Littlest Leprechaun after work for Sheperd's Pie and a trip to Adult Land to find myself a new strap-on harness. Had brought along my old faithful Big Black and Beautiful for the fitting, but seems he is a little too well-endowed in the testicle department to fit into most harnesses. Then fall in love with the Sire cock from the DVice range. And the shop assistant boy- so sweet and helpful! But no harnesses fit Sire either! What to do? Head to Adult World down the road, same deal. But Sire significantly cheaper there, so buy him (in black) and the funny boy who works there throws in a bunch of weird little anti-bacterial and anti-viral wipes to clean Sire. Which is a very good thing, as was wondering whether most condoms will fit him (once had a similar problem with a Swedish military boy called Lasse *shiver*). A friend did suggest that maybe he was a bit of a cervix-basher, which did make me have second doubts for a moment, and ponder just why I am such a faggoty size queen. But he's only 20cm, which is only 7.874inches.... Hmmm. Am thinking that I need to rename Sire though. Any suggestions?

'What can I say?
They can't stay away
From the best cock
On the block today' - Bitch and Animal

Trawled the other sex stores in Newtown for suitable harnesses to avail. Called Whoretic to see what she was up to, and she agreed to come on a spontaneous shopping trip to Oxford St. Tool Shed provided the goods straight up- is this an indication of Darlo being more gayboy ghetto than lesbian enclave? Fruitless search for a functional Rubber Duckie vibrator (found three, none worked) but W did collar three tubes of the elusive aloe vera lube. Excited about my new equipment, and have quite an urge to go cruising The Midnight Shift (effect of wearing boots, collar, bondage belt, camos, and carrying a BIG COCK). But sense prevails, so get the bus home. Sit watching cable comedy channel and wishing I wasn't so injured. Want to play with new toys!

Sunday Night in a Nutshell

Feeling a bit bedraggled from Friday night's Kooky and Saturday night's parties, I hooked up with Hunter, T and the Buxom Wench, the S and a babybutch for coffee at the infamous gelato bar. MsV had put out a call from her perch at the Carlisle, beseeching us all to join her for drinkies. Toddled down there with H, T and BW. A whole gaggle of perverts were assembled in the back bar, already quite maggoted and up to rude things. MyFavouriteMermaid, Ali and the Boy soon joined us, and I drank beer and engaged in mild molestation with all and sundry. Eventually things wound up there, and we decided to head up to the Dykes on Bikes night at The Hampshire. Flirted about with MsV and Boy, watched some silliness involving a box within a box *lol*, and then somehow ended up back in Boy's living room with them both. Frangelico, vodka, then I am pounced upon, rendered half-naked and have my bits shaved by MsV while the Boy holds me down. Was a very nice job too, though the tweezers were possibly pushing the friendship! Normally I am quite a furry girl, for a number of reasons: aesthetics (not wanting Barbie doll bits); sensation (ooh hair being pulled!); Beariness (depilation is the 8th deadly sin); and laziness (you try shaving around that much metal). Still, would have probably done it myself before the piercings today anyway, and was a much more entertaining way to go about it. Then found myself violated various ways- though am a bit fuzzy on the details! MsV disappears into a cab, and Boy drags me upstairs to make me remember exactly what I had been missing this last long while... *SHIVER*... Wake up to more in the morning and stumble home blissed out and bewildered...

Skirts are Bloody

For Zoo just got herself FOUR new piercings! Two in each of my outer labia, 8 gauge and quite deep. Not sure quite what prompted me to do it- just had an idea a while back that it would be nice to have a bit more metal down there. Already had a 10g ring (?) in each, and my vertical hood piercing. An extra-big pay check and an urge to be able to dangle weights from my dangly bits led me to negotiations with Rob at Polymorph over the weekend about rings vs bars and how many and... told him I would come in on Tuesday. *GULP*. Woke up this morning with dodgy sinus pain, 'too much to dream' fuzziness and a desire NOT to go through with it, before deciding that was just plain silly. Expressed my desire to run away to T 'but its pain- and you like pain' and the most succint Boy 'but you are Zoo'. True in both cases. Zoo does like to painful things! Even if they make her scared. Perhaps because they make her scared?

The Boy had kindly agreed to be my hand-holder for this event (bless him), so I picked him up at his place and we wandered down for a pre-poking coffee with the ScarletHarlot (Corelli's LSD- latte, soy and dandelion. My fave coffee on King St. And it's SH's birthday tomorrow, so come on down to the Sly to celebrate!). Still debating whether to just wimp out entirely and get a labret or something easy, I dragged my rapidly retreating bits up to Polymorph. Worked out jewellery, had one last piss before crying, disrobed and then onto the chair it was. All washed down and marked up, I grab both of Boy's hands and breathe as instructed and... SCREAM, quite loudly, as the big piece of metal pushes through the first sensitive squishy bit of Zooflesh. Usually I find the jewellery insertion quite a lovely release, but that seemed to cause as sharp a pain as the pointy thingy. Ouch! Big Ouch! BUT YUMMY OUCH!!! Then big rush, then babbling, then think I can't make it through the next one then grab onto Boy again and... somehow I make it through the next three, and as the chemicals kicked in they got less painful. I did need to have quite a breather between each one though, grab some water and gather my strength. But in the end I did what I set out to do ;)

And did I mention the blood??? It was spectacular, I was GUSHING, even bloodier than the saline infusion/piercing... licking it off my fingers and... dripping all over the floor, blood running down my pink bits and my arse and my thighs and making my hands red when I tried to mop it all up. Now eight hours later with my knickers full of cotton wadding I am still dripping. (Weird that there is THAT much blood, as haven't had any alcohol or aspirin in the last 24 hours at least). It feels like I have been kicked in the c&*t with steel-capped boots too, all bruised and swollen up. And there was the most perfect spot of blood on the back of my leopard print skirt when I stood up... delicious... and made me horny as hell... and there I was in that room full of gloves and pointy things and mirrors and metal with that obscene dental chair and the beautiful Boy and couldn't do a thing about it!

On the way back up King St ran into a couple of friends who corrupted me with alcohol. Spent the afternoon wriggling at Uni and then a few hours delirious surveying people at work. Still flying, reeling, dancing about, squirming- and too scared to have a shower even though its probably a good idea :) So many bruises and so much blood lost lately... mmm... and more up and coming. I still owe Mister Hunter some blood on his belt buckle, and am mucking about with the Polymorph bodmod kids on Sunday, then a certain Freeq promised me a go at her new cat'o'nine soon, and thenI do the 1am Hellfire show on Friday 18th. Really got to keep up my vitamins and get some rest and take care of myself, pushing my body pretty hard at the moment. Don't think I can startboxing at Uni until September because of seminars and work, but busy enough until then I suppose...

BTW Check out this story about an Anger Release Bar in China. You can beat men up for as low as $8.30AU. Apparently its popular with women in service *lol*.

Family Matters

For those of you who don't read the comments, a certain nevertoold just brought this most fabulous fetusmart site to my attention. Brilliant, and may just solve some of my issues re maternity!

Found this article from the Village Voice in June, and if you haven't seen it yet, you should all check out this bunch of queer/poly/trans/non-monog/genderfucking/androgynous/bi folk/cross dressers and other curious creatures shagging like rabbits and making quotes like 'I feel politically and socially invested in the idea of non-monogamy. It can bring difficulty, but it is something worth fighting for' and 'being polyamorous is about being committed to a different kind of family structure. You really push yourself, and push your lovers'. So, click here: Beyond Gay Marriage. Hmmm.. much to think about. A few years back I wrote a piece on gay kinship and stuff, arguing

'Despite, of perhaps by virtue of, the positive relations I have with my 'biologicals', I myself attempt to create my own queer families... I hunt the comfort of hearth and home, a safe space, I collect the branches of the family tree and furtively assemble them to divulge my queer histories. It is a semantic performance which I have found to be ultimately unlivable, as I adopt the roles of Wife/Husband, Mummy/Daddy, Daughter/Son or Sister/Brother with ever-increasing unease. This is not my heritage- I find no asylum within this framework and cannot comprehend the mother-tongue of my kinfolk...'

All this born-again-slut life of shagging about and playing around at the moment has thrown me into a spin somewhat. Singledom is serving me pretty well, I like the freedom and the chance to work out who I am when I am not attached to someone else, but doing my own aftercare is doing my head in. I miss having a partner-person, or several partner-persons, the someone/s you can come home to at the end of a filthy day fucking about and just flop on the couch with and cuddle when you are crashing from a big beating. That understands all about you- shares some of your history and gets your jokes and rolls eyes at your bad moods and knows how you like your porridge. That is some sort of constant amongst all the various and constantly changing adventures. That shares some of those adventures with you. Geez, is that sounding too Hallmark? Not sure WHAT the point of this ramble is really, just musing and trying to work out how I want to be in the world.

I have dabbled in non-monog and open and poly relationships, but it was some time ago now (before my unexpected detour to the Land of Vanilla Monogomy) and though the 'why' is still fresh in my mind the 'how' has escaped me. Being single at the moment it is not that much of an issue, but I still need to work it out. Politically, ethically, philosophically, on so many levels, this is what I believe in. And more and more its feeling like this is what I want to end up with eventually. Ahhh... to bed now. Waffling, and need to get some sleep before big day at the piercer's tomorrow.

Meant to tell you all about my cavorting last night, as I know a certain someone will be waiting for that post. But the muse leads me where she will, and who am I to argue? So you got some weird poly rant instead. Needless to say, the whole post was just going to be smut. Damn fine smut, if a little bedrunken, but smut all the same ;)

'And I walk home alone
But my faith in love is still devout'
-The Smiths

Doing it bloggie-style

Here's an article to make most of us cringe I think: Don't kiss me, I'm emailing you

'Our new relationship was often the subject of my LJ [blog] entries and I would often say things in there that I wouldn't tell him to his face," writes Kathryn. Another couple - married for 12 years - say that for a while they communicated through weblogs without ever discussing their feelings face to face.'

Oh dear. Ring any bells?

Kooky Dancing Bear

And on the eighth day, the Goddess created Kooky. So I came to worship the latest incarnation (Friday nights) wearng my pink wig, black lace dress, cincher, feather boa, boots and collar and fishnet gloves. First to the Sly for friend's birthday drinks, watching karaoke and general cavorting. Then down to 77 William St for one of the best nights dancing I've had in a long time. Within five minutes of arriving I had myself a slight 'wardrobe malfunction', in that one of the straps on my dress broke. Tried to fix it with a safety pin before coming to my senses and just letting my tits go free. Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It was delicious! Got more attention than I would have imagined from the Kooky crowd, but can't say it was unpleasant attention ;) (Haven't danced topless since Tropical Fruits I think, and didn't realise how much I had missed it) So...


'Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows'
- Leonard Cohen 'Everybody Knows'

I danced, and danced and danced- with 2 thirds of my housemates, Uni friends, random freaks about town, fellow perverts... Drank some beer, talked bollocks with a lot of trashy people (apparently, I am 'delightful'), bumped bouncy breasty bits with the magnificent Buxom Wench, snogged and mildly molested (?) the BW... and felt absolutely euphoric. A lot of people around me were totally off their little chops, and here I was, practically sober most of the night- but feeling like I was pilling, speeding and almost tripping all at once! That shiny world-is-beautiful cuddly spinning around JOYOUS gorgeous blissed-out state, where you are surrounded by friends wherever you turn and everyone is just so pretty... and has been a while since I have felt that on a dancefloor. Yummy! For the last while I had been attached to a Cute Little Creature, canoodling and dancing and generally being trashy tarts. It was nice silly giggly fun, like I used to have with my friends all the time when I was a wee young queerling. Oh, those fabulous nights at Caesars and The Imperial and the courtyard of The Bank and Kingki Kingdom, all frocked up and loved up and shimmering into my brand new life ;) Finally the music stopped and we were swept out into the early morn. Up to Oxford St to slurp up the last dregs of Phoenix.

Then it all turned a little strange. CLC was trying to come home with me. I was really tired and wanting to just go home and SLEEP, so crawled out to get a cab. In the end, the CNC ended up in the cab with me, and eventually at my place. And despite my recently reclaimed slutdom, I really couldn't get down and dirty. It was pleasant enough just rolling around, but something stopped me from taking it any further. What though? I was messy, CLC is cute, it was 7am in the morning after a spectacular night, just that... really, I don't what it was that made me pull back from the edge. But all the same, I am very happy that I did. (Feel bad that CLC may have been hurt though, and hope I didn't put it all too bluntly. The more I was asked to explain, the more cornered I felt and the more I just had to make it stop)

Slept some, dreamed some and now up and looking for adventure. Its cold and wet outside again. Winter's last kiss before Spring comes a-courting... time to seek hot chocolate and pudding. Have an urge to get something pierced. More metal in my bits? Want to, but need someone to bite down on for that... Hmmm...

Small Bear With Porridge

Pissing down rain. Slighty bedraggled Zoo waits at bus stop, resplendent in lace lilac ankle-length froufrou skirt and baby blue fake fur jacket, assorted jewels and the ever-present boots and collar. Bus comes, packed, no seats, blah blah, have tos tand in aisle. People on bus giving Zoo sideway glances. Get to shopping centre, gayboy on bench staring oddly at Zoo. Go into bathroom, look in mirror and realise.....

There is a quite small, but somehow quite noticeable, patch of breakfast-on-the-way-out-the-door PORRIDGE on chin. White substance, just below mouth, mildly lumpy. On dazed girl (it WAS before midday and no coffee yet).

Think about it. I don't even have to TRY to look trashy ;)

Zoophilia

zo·o·phil·i·a also zo·oph·i·lism n. Affection or affinity for animals. Erotic attraction to or sexual contact with animals. Biology. A tendency to feed or grow on animal tissue.

I'll take 4. All of the above. Could I be a Dr of Zoophilia? Hmmm...

Bears, puppies, kittens, ponies, pigs- think it just about time for an animal party! Anyone keen on helping me organise one? Or attending if I put something on? We have a huge backyard here with plenty of room to canter, grizzle, purr and prowl. And I'm sure between us all we have enough trainers, vets, handlers and owners to keep the wild things from getting too wild.... Missed the last party like this that friends held (wasn't let off MY leash *grr*), but do believe there may have been some toys and accesories left over that we may be able to use again? In a Femme's garage perhaps? Anyhow... if you are keen please contact me or post a comment here. I'll have my crop and my chokechain waiting!

Now, as promised to someone last night when I was pissy at the Fox, here are my out and about plans for weekend:
Friday night- friend's birthday bash at the Fox, then head in to Kooky. BIG DRESSUPS! But hopefully not toooooooo trashy ;)
Saturday- Uni during day, then another friend's 30th birthday soiree, possibly with some sharp pointy things included
Sunday- Uni during day, down to the Hampshire to play with DOB (celebrating one year since they moved in there- sounds like it will be big, and beautiful!)
Inbetween go to hypnotherapist, try to make someone give me a massage (any volunteers?), somehow find time to get to produce markets to stock up on fresh fruit and veg, cheap tofu and my favourite green noodles (Boy?) and no doubt end up drinking lots of coffee with various folk along the way...

Academic Wankery

Ahh, doing so well on the TrashZoo project of late, but not doing nearly enough on the DrZoo endeavour! Just can't get it together, reading a lot but when it comes to writing it up as academic blahblah... hmmm... think being so sickly at the moment is not helping the cause, hard to concentrate, even when dosed up to eyeballs on pseudoephedrine and coffee...

And there is so much to be done!
* must fix up last two chapters of lit review and give to long-suffering supervisor.
* have no methodology as such. despite this, have agreed to give seminar presentation to department in october outlining my methodology and providing a bit of a progress report. oops! really ought to work out what i am doing and how i am doing it soon!
* going to Melbourne in September, and should try to do some research while down there. and this means a bit of work before I go to work out what needs researching
* want to get a journal article tidied up and submitted by the end of the month
* need to write a paper for the UnAustralia cultural studies conference in Decemeber (Canberra- talking about lactating purely for pleasure)
* need to write up a paper for the Fabulous Risk circus conference in December (Wollongong- where LactoGrrl will perform/speak for the first time, about the carnival and spectacle and he grotesque)
* have to write an abstract for the SomaTechnics conference atMacquarie next year

well, at least this morning i have made my 'to do list'. maybe somebody ought to discipline me into this? any takers?

'And when we're in your scholarly room
Who will swallow whom ?
When we're in your scholarly room
Who will swallow whom ?
You handsome devil...
There's more to life than books, you know
But not much more'
-The Smiths 'Handsome Devil'

BTW Tonight will probably be up at The Newtown Hotel around 8:30 to check out the new girly night. Then on to The Sly no doubt... see some of you there!

In love with Betty Marenko

‘An identity which has to be considered as a process and not as a fact, as an embodiment of strategies of subversion and creativity, a body who is in the world, and at the same time is the world. A body in perpetual becoming’

Came across the above quote in my Honours thesis (see, working!) and just had to share it. Bugger it, here's another one

'We can imagine this process of self induced transformation as a kind of pure magic, if by magic we intend a system of compensation which readdresses previously lost balances and works towards self-preservation and healing. In this sense, performing an action of body modification which is bound to affect permanently one’s corporeality is very much like casting a spell upon themselves. It is a spell which allows one to become what one wants to become, making a very personal dream, or even obsession, true'

Oooh, sometimes other people speak my mind so well it seems superfluous to even open my mouth...

my life in song lyrics

the birthday party made me a zoo music girl
'i murder her dress and she loves it... oh god please let me die beneath her fists'

siouxsie sioux made me a kinky chameleon
' she has many guises/she'll do what you want her to/playing dead and sweet submission/cracks the whip deadpan on cue/peek-a-boo peek-a-boo'

lloyd cole made me misbehave wantonly
'she's innappropriate/but then she's much more fun'

the cure made me some sort of gothling girl
' sometimes i'm dreaming/where all the other people dance'

leonard cohen made me fall in love with women- myself included
'your faith was strong but you needed proof/you saw her bathing on the roof/her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you'

tom waits made consider possibilities beyond the femme
'well i know karate/voodoo too/i'm gonna make myself/available to you/i don't need no makeup/i got real scars/i got hair on my chest/i look good without a shirt/well i don't lose my composure/ in a high speed chase/well my friends think i'm ugly/i got a masculine face/i got some dragstrip courage/i can really drive a bed/i'm gonna change my name to hannibal/or maybe just rex'

x ray spex made me a feminist
'some people think that little girls should be seen and not heard/but i think/oh bondage up yours!'

diamanda galas made me laugh about my situation
'and the buzzards/and the vultures hollered/do you take this man?'

stiv bators made me a faggot
'looking at me/like i'm under the weather/but you got on your knees/just to lick at my leather'

bitch and animal made me realise a lot of things
'in the parking lot/where we kissed goodnight/and you squeezed my hand a little extra tight/
well i knew right then/that you felt the same/if you'd just get out of that boy and girl game'

and the smiths made me hopeful
'on cold leather seats/well it suddenly struck me/i just might die/with a smile on my face after all'