Swinging San Fran

In the last 24 hours or so I have been to Fisherman's Wharf, done a gig as a film extra, met an amazing Navaho woman who was also being a film extra, flirted with her, played pool and drunk beer and smoked cigarettes with her and then followed her home to make lots of noise and roll around rudely. Then we did that some more, hung out in Golden Gate Park and around Haight, ate a huge breakky, met up with V at MoMA, spent AGES with all three of us giggling and being very silly, had some dinner, and then went to watch Blonde Venus at a benefit night for the sex worker's hospital here. Phew! Tomorrow GLBT museum, last minute shopping and packing, and maybe even make it to The Lone Star. Wouldn't be San Fran if I didn't see the Bears,but have been soooooooo busy doing other things... this place is almost a little too much like Sydney!

C&^$s For Fags

It is very true that I am much looking forward to returning to Aus. However, I am almost tempted to stay one or two more days in San Fran so I can make it to this:

C&^$s For Fags
Demystifying the innies of the genital world

a detailed introduction to the vulva geared towards gay men

$5-$20 sliding scale, no one turned away for lack of funds

18+ -- People of all genders and orientations welcome

Queer presenters, live models, a safe space to ask questions... this workshop is the perfect opportunity for gay men to learn about vulvas, vaginas, clits, cunts, g-spots, inny-holes, bonus holes, cooters, tranny boners, clit boners, or whatever you call yours.

Whats a vulva? What does it look like? Whats a hymen? Is anal sex fun without a prostate? Whats up with the g-spot? What does it feel like? Why do lesbians love hands? What is female ejaculation? How does it work? Whats with the bleeding? How do orgasms work? Whats a clitoris? Is friction ever good? Whats a cervix? Does size matter? Is lube necessary? What shape is a vagina? What makes clits happy? How does arousal happen? Does licking the alphabet work? What makes it wet? Is there a taint? Is it fun? Is there a difference between a clitoral and a vaginal orgasm? What kind of lube is best for vaginas? What makes these genitals happy? For questions and to enroll, email castroworkshops@gmail.com

Chowder Down

Some of you may recall a similar incident from some time back, concerning porridge, a bus to Broadway shopping centre and some smirks from a cheeky fag. Proves that no matter how much Zoo thinks zie has changed, well, some things always remain the same.

Fisherman's Wharf. A wondrous wander through the Musee Mechanique, a big hall full of old arcade games- think gypsies that pick your fortune, all manner of mechanised dioramas, pinball machines, and the famous Laughing Sal (deliciously creepy somehow), then a quick dash about Pier 39 and some clam chowder by the water. Raining a little, but still risk sitting on a park bench, juggling big sourdough bowl of chowder, big bag of shopping from the thrift store, drink, and umbrella. Manage okay, barely spill any on my scarf or tie, feed rest of bread to giant birds, knock over soda (but not on myself) and given the state of my hangover and the drizzle it all seems to have gone quite well. Walk back to the bus stop, stopping to look in shop windows and chat to people and then as I am waiting for the number 49 to Mission I realise...

There is a patch of dried chowder on my cheek. Clam chowder is white-ish, and creamy. Yes, that's right, you can imagine what it looks like. Classy.

Still, to be grateful for small mercies it is fortunate that I noticed before I headed to the Lone Star. And that it was only the base, and not the lumpy bits.

Valentine Vulva Show- Hellfire February 15th *SYDNEY*

Hey Ladies! Has a steady diet of cropped crotched centrefolds with nipped nether regions left your knickers in a knot?

Do you ever get to feeling your labia are a little too luscious, your fanny a little too florid? Have your fancies been a little too tickled, your vulva a little too violated? Have you ever had the urge to tweak your twat, hike up your hole, streamline your snatch and pretty up your pink pussy parlour?

If so, you need a Designer Vagina, brought to you by Dr Zoo, and demonstrated live on stage on Miss Baroque Bits herself, Necrotitties. Watch as that cherry is popped right back in place, good as new. When roses are red, they're ready for plucking, when Dr Zoo's locked your lips, you're ready for...

(As always, the whys, whos, whens and whats can be found at the Hellfire site. )

Toilet Humours

And whilst we are on the subject of toilets and such, here's the Safe2Pee site- thanks to Mr Nix Williams for this one- and much other amusement. If you do not already read his blog, I would strongly advise you do so right now...

Scat Daddy

For some reason I thought of this the other day and it made me giggle HEAPS:

Child: 'Mummy, can I lick the bowl?'
Mother: 'No, pull the chain like everyone else'

Heehee! Dad joke! Toilet humour! Just bought a brilliant book called Poop Culture at Barnes and Noble the other day, a thoughtful analysis of matters scatalogical. Hilarious, and strangely thought-provoking...

Adventure Update

And a quick travel update:
Got to San Francisco last night, after flight delayed 'cos of rain and then it took forever to get out of the airport and... finally got to hostel, somehow forgot to eat dinner, had a bath 'cos I can't work out the shower and got all dolled up and wandered around the corner to teh Lexington. $1 margaritas, cute dykes, glitter lipstick, snogging randoms, talking shite, dancing to The Smiths- felt right at home. Now though, it is 11:30am and I can't seem to make it out of the hostel. Fuzzy-headed Zoo.

Going to a great big old queer dyke tranny fest called Rebel Girl tonight, and will try to get to MoMA today for some art too. Oh, and some op-shopping. Bless United Airlines and their 'that's well over the limit for a bag- but did you realise you can have TWO bags of 50 pounds each as check-in?'. Woohooo! Gonna buy and extra dufflebag and fill 'er up. Reminds me- must get to Good Vibrations too. Yay!

And then there is some film shoot tomorrow that I might wander off to for a short stint as an extra. Support the local arts and all that, plus a good excuse to dress up like a freak and get my head on film. I like San Fran a lot.

Mu-Meson Madness

Haven't been to see anything at Mu-Meson for yonks, but reckon it is just about time to start goinjg again. Came across their program on the Hellfire bog, and now passing the link to you here. Freaky movies and odd performance, plus Sounds of Seduction- these kids are busy! Lets do it!

Valentine Gurlesque

Who wants to join me for Gurlesque on February 14th at Will and Toby's? Dang! Is SUCH a busy time, that night being the launch of Queerscreen as well I think... Oh, and this is the ALL GENDERS WELCOME Gurlesque too, so all you naughty boys out there can come and see what the 'lezzos and trannies' get up to without you!

Cherrie Baby

The February issue of CHERRIE is out now!

This month is a 60-page bumper Mardi Gras special issue, celebrating the festival’s 30th anniversary. As well as our regular What’s On pages, we’ve got hot picks for Mardi Gras events that are aimed the girls, the lowdown on the women’s party scene past and present, and a feature by a local lesbian who’s been to 28 Mardi Gras Parades! Plus: Sydney-based Meredith and Domino give us a behind-the-scenes look at Australia’s only dyke and trans sex magazine, Slit; burlesque diva Empress Stah tells us about her unique performance style (and what she did to Sexy Galexy’s private bits!); queer chicks with a cause chat about their passion to change the world and rock the status quo; polyamorous women speak about the ethics of non-monogamy; and Liz Bowie asks whether science and spirituality are opposite extremes or two sides of the same coin...

Plus heaps of other stuff! Check it out here.

This And That From Before And Earlier

Sorry for being such a slacker on the blog front- too busy and exhausted to write much! Here are some bits and pieces that I wrote along the way but never got around to posting...

Unpack Your Bags
From a while ago, after a ‘special friend’ had asked me if we were having ‘straight sex’, and to me, it was anything but! Warning, small rant ahead:

I gave him a trite answer, but then is it necessary to unpack everything all of the time? Can desire just be enjoyed and embraced, indulged and celebrated without analysis? Is it trite and overly simplistic to just go with the flow? So much critique and reflection and debate seems to be an attempt to justify desire, to validate urges and ascertain the morality and appropriateness of yearnings in accordance with the identities and labels of the persons involved. Seriously, when do vanilla hetero people ever really sit around explaining why they want to go missionary yet again? The answer then, I suppose, is that if we were having ‘straight sex’ then we wouldn’t be discussing it!

The Hole Truth

And musings from after the Intimacy conference in December:

What is it that draws me to make new holes in my flesh? Are my existing openings not already enough? Is it an invitation for invasion, to ask others to inhabit my territory, a show of hospitality in the spirit of ‘what’s mine is yours’, a performance of trust, a sacrifice, a way or removing myself piece by piece, a desire for transparency, an attempt to speed up catharsis? Is it what’s coming in or what’s coming out, or both? What are the offerings of orifices?

Viva La Resolution!

Well, it is a wee bit after New Years ‘tis true, but no time like the present to start planning the New Zoo. So, more for my benefit than anyone else’s interest (besides possibly a good laugh if you happen to be reading this any later than April or so), here’s some of what I would like to resolve to do in the coming twelve months if I were the type of being who made NY resolutions:

* Spend more time cooking, for myself and my friends. Nourish and nurture!
* Start German lessons.
* Start driving lessons.
* Learn to use my sewing machine.
* Stop thinking about being queer and gender issues quite so much and so consciously, and concentrate on other things such as a) my PhD, b) my art and c) the gazillion other things I enjoy doing that have little or bugger all to do with sex on any level or interpretation (like gardening, skiing, bushwalking and doofs).
* Teach myself to mix music on even a very basic level. Oh, and Photoshop or similar whilst I’m having a geeky moment.
* Volunteer for something less ‘fluffy’ than my usual community activities of ushering, door bitching, minding art shows, decorating venues, handing out flyers and such. In addition to, not instead of, so if you happen to be from Queer Screen or SLPA don’t freak out- I still want my vollie hours!
* Start some sort of regular and disciplined physical activity such as body weather, clowning, butoh, boxing, yoga, circus (maybe even drag out my poi) or swimming. Something which is challenging, makes me stronger, requires concentration and will make me more aware of the ways in which my body works, the space I take up and how I move in the world.
* Slow down. Yes, that probably seems quite contradictory to my recent posts full of projects and adventures, or even the rest of this list, but it is more about taking the time to do each and every task properly and with the respect it deserves. To choose my endeavours more carefully and set aside enough resources to do a proper job on each one. To this end, I will spend more time at home and in the office, more time rehearsing and editing and fine-tuning, and less time lurking around pubs drinking for the hell of it or wasting energy on chasing my tail. Sure, there will be plenty of chance for r’n’r though. All work and no play makes Zoo a dull Zoo.

Bathing Beauties

Wet memories:
The spa at The Palace. No clothes, no glitter, no body fluids. Once spent 14 hours or so groping and drinking red wine whilst totalley munted, came out squeaky clean and wrinkly and curiously dehydrated.
Greeting my last house with a boy and a bath. Hadn't bought bubbles yet so we squeezed in some shampoo and shared a longneck of Coopers as we squished into the tiny tub. Later I went to the health food store and bubbles that smelled like sea salt and oak.
A hotel room in Lyon. Beautiful company and expensive champagne, piles of chocolate and lots of giggles and lying next to a gorgeous creature on fluffy white pillows afterwards.
The Russian Bathhouse in the East (NY). Shorts and bathrobes and an aromatherapy sauna room. Me one of the only topless 'girls', and the only one with tits. Strange moment of staring down at my chest an being really confused to not look like one of 'the boys'.
The boy in London, in his leather Daddy's studio. The moment of truth and revelation of bodies and bits, packers and scars uncovered and wet socks on the tiles.
Skinnydipping in a rockpool in The Royal National Park a few winters ago.
The BadeHuset (?) in Christiana, Copenhagen. Naked and covered in mud, cold plunges and hot rocks.

Is the Korean Bathhouse open again yet? Need steam and scrubbing.

Mardi Gras-dy Gras!

Now, Mardi Gras is coming up soon, and I'm trying to make plans. Volunteering for Queerscreen as usual, and will try to get to some 'cultural' events :) But...

What to do for the big night? Super-expensive official party? Or are there any alternatives?

AND THE BIG ONE-

What float to go in? Does anyone know if the Glitter Militia kids are doing anything this year?

The Feminist Arts

Brooklyn Museum has the Sackler feminist art centre, and I visited it a couple of days ago. Highlights: Ryoko Suzuki's stunning photo from the Bind series, head bound in blood-drenched pig-skin twine (Japan). Oreet Ashery's photograph Self Portrait as Marcus Fisher 1, Jewish boy-drag and an exposed female breast (Israel). Sigalit Landau's Barbed Hula film, a nude woman slowly hooping with a barbed wire hoop until her skin is marked up and it almost too difficult to watch (Israel). Patricia Piccinni's Big Mother sculpture, a very quirky breastfeeding depiction (Australia). Mary Coble's amazing Binding Ritual, 11 or minutes of footage from an hour long performance, where she looks at the camera, all mohawk and defiance, and binds and unbinds her breasts with silver gaffa tape until her skin is red and raw (USA). Judy Chicago's ultra-famous and ultra-brilliant Dinner Party installation (USA). Best still, you can look at most (all?) of it online here at the Feminist Art Base. Search for Shu Lea Cheung's Milk or Canan Senol's Fountain to see why I am still smiling.

Birthday Suited

Today is her birthday
They're smoking cigars
They lie in the bathtub
A chain of flowers...

Dum dum dum dum de dum

- The Sugarcubes
'Birthday'
33 today, for it is still my birthday in New York. At midnight I was naked, halfway through a two hour session of life modelling for these freaks at Michael Alan's Draw-a-thon: Starting as an alternative to conventional figure drawing in 2005 The Drawathon Troupe a collective of art models, artists, musicians, performers and poets collaborate through improve, open ended narrative, hand crafted props and live music components intended for the public to interpret through drawing, painting, writing and other creative processes. Check out the site here for pictures of previous nights and more info. It was magic! I loved it! They provide all sorts of props and costumes- masks, a giant paper mache head on a stick, a globe, some weird drawing compass, gloves, dresses, feather shoes and feather boas, a Virgin Mary rug, sheer fabric, toys, hats etc- and then you just go for it! Of course, some of the more experienced models had to hold ten minute, half hour, or the case of my mate Valmonte Sprout THREE HOUR poses, but the rest of us just got to move around and create theatrical tableaux and small points of interaction with each other. I had a ball moving slowly and deliberately, considering where I was situated in the scene, what the others were doing, what I could do with the items I had on hand, and daresay people were quite happy with my 'performance'. Was great to just be able to play- put the mask on the bag on my head, hang a pointy hat from my breast, shroud myself in fabric, tie my hands together with stings of feathers, hypnotise one of the others with a crystal on a chain, pick up a long peacock feather and someone's discarded drawing and mimic the crowd sketching me, kneel before the boy with the mohawk with my head bowed, lie on the rug seductively, walk across a tightrope line on the floor balancing myself with a cane, put the shoes on my hands and crawl like an animal... Oh, I MUST do more of this in Sydney!

Thinking a wee bit ahead, would anyone be interested in helping out with something like this in Olympic Sodom, but perhaps on a more irregular basis? Thinking that I would like to do a life modelling/drawing workshop or event at Sheila-Fest in April, and then a pretty pervy one in May for SLPA (if they want me to). Just think of the the poses and situations we could create! Complete with scenery, music... don't have the time to run something like this every week or whatever, but would be very keen to co-ordinate events from time to time. But will need helpers, models, a venue, maybe even someone who knows a bit about these events as this was the first I have ever attended on either side and whilst I have the general gist it would be nice to get some advice from an old hand. What do you all think?

Mellow Yellow

Random quote from some army movie that tickled my fancies: 'I'd drink a gallon of her pee just to see where it came from.' Ohhhh...

Coney Island Baby

New York is one endless Lou Reed song. I am still in tourist awe: walking through Alphabet City, going through Times Square, 42nd St on the subway, seeing signs to Euclid Ave (oh, and Tom Waits), going Uptown...

And today I am going to spend the afternoon at Coney Island. This is magic.

Mardi Gras Madness

Anyone know of any queer alternatives to the big party? Kinky alternatives? Trying to assess my options but not sure what's is happening?

Fairtytale Of New York

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot

- The Pogues
'Fairytale of New York'

I am currently living in a tent in a Queens apartment, in the home of the Mangina (Google it- you will be amazed). It is surreal. Yesterday ate a big pile of banana pancakes for breakfast, had a disco nap, went to the city and the Marlborough gallery, ate Thai, bought a big pile of organic hippy food from the store (yay for amaranth cereal and almond milk), then spent two hours at the Russian baths (including ages in teh amazing aromatherapy sauna room), went to a bookstore and grabbed a copy of Orlando, came home and watched Brazil on the telly and talked crap with M. Its hilarious, and he is great silly company. His missus comes back from afar today, and we are planning some sort of birthday branding bash for me on Saturday night (actually day is Sunday). Lucky I bought that branding iron with me after all! Gonna take lots of pix, and do some performance type stuff and generally get a bit debauched I imagine. Think on Sunday, if it isn't too painful to walk or too confusing to be in public, I will go down to Coney Island and be a freak... is getting colder here, with a forecast of 30degress F (ie -8.3 in REAL degrees) for Sunday. Woohoo! Maybe I will get snow on my birthday!

Gurls Gurls Gurls! And Then Some!

Its Gurlesque time!!Sunday 27th Jan at a brand new venue,that has seating, cheap drinks,$2 schooners (6-7pm)two for one cock(cunt)tails,(7-9pm) a cosy atmosphere and a dinner menu!!what more can you want whilst watching the best live show in town?Gurlesque @Mr Marys.Sunday 27th Jan.....starring...........Glita Supernova,Sex Intents,The Hootchie Cootchie Gory Girls,Jamilla Deville,Lauren La Rouge,Rani & Phuong,Rita & Emma,Mighty Hermaphrodite& Michelle plus more to be announced..music by GemmaJanuary is 2 for one madness at Gurlesque, Australia's leading bent est interpretive burlesque club for women of all persuasions and trannies.....Mr Marys is at 110 George Street Redfern.Doors open 6pm showtime 7.30.no pre sales $20conc $25You'd still have to be on mushrooms at Tropical Fruits to miss it!------------------------------------------------------February see's Gurlesque go completely Bananas with 2 nights in the Mardi Gras festival,the venue being Will& Toby's on Oxford street. 14th &15th FebThis show will be a best of,and the twist is that we are opening our doors for 2 nights only to welcome in all genders, so spread the word, bring along you friends, as this event will be a one off never, to be repeated .Tickets are available through Moshtix 1300 438 849,there will be a limited # available on the door,so either take a gamble and come early, or book now to ensure entrance.Tickets are moving fast.$20/$25 plus booking fee.

Danish Dreams

Well, it all worked out somehow!

Went to Christiana where my friend lives, despite having no idea WHERE she was located and there being something like 900 folk residing there. Wandered around a bit, was about to find some food and head back into the city for a hostel adventure when she rode past me on her bike! YAY! Seems she had got confused with dates, not what date I was coming but what date it was yesterday, so wasn't expecting me for a few days yet.... Bloody hippies! Anyway, fate/magic/luck stepped in and we found each other and soon she had procured me a plate of vegie food from a place she works, and shuffled me off into the sauna (ooooooooooooh, hot steam, rocks to walk on, mud to rub oneself with, a cold plunge pool) and then we went back to her shack by the river, her riding her bike with me and my lugage in a cart on the front) and dropped my stuff off. More vegan feast at her friends place, a sound sleep, and up for yoga this morning... Just sublime...

New York tomorrow. Oh, I miss you all so much!

Nothing Like A Dane

*TRAVEL RANT AHEAD*

Actually, two out of three folk I have lost in Denmark are Aussies, but I'm still blaming the Danish for it! Bleeding heck, what IS it with these folk? Have lots of presents for the Bear, who knows I am coming 'cos a) we have been emailing about it for months and b) I saw him in Lodnong last month and told him when I would be around and STILL he has not answered my requests to sort out a time. The Aus boy hasn't answered any emails at all, and the Aus girl asked me to contact her when I got here so she could send me her mobile number. Contact HOW? Couldn't she just send the mobile number in the first place? Have been emailing for days, to no avail, and the only number I have for her from a while ago seems not to work. Should I just turn up at this address that I think is hers with my huge suitcase and whatnot and hope I don't have to turn back and come to a hostel anyway?

Dang queer freaky activist free-spirited types. It is SO hard sometimes to get anything organised with most of them! Even if you CAN make contact, ie they have their mobile phones on, and charged, and maybe even have credit or they have access to email and READ IT SOMETIMES or have a functioning landline that actually gets answered, well, even THEN it can be almost impossible to make plans with them due to overwhelming vagueness, hangovers, constant plan and mind changes etc. Between being left stranded in unfamiliar suburbs in the middle of the night, twice (different cities and people), being stood up on dinner dates, having an entirely useless NYE that didn't even end in drunkeness let alone naything else, being dumped in a hotel, and being on th ereceieving end of an endless series of vagueness from all corners ('when are you coming? oh, I took off the week before off work 'cos I thought that's when you were here even though I have had the dates for ages! oh, I didn't realise you were still coming despite the fact that you texted me two days ago with your arrival time! sorry, i know i said you could stay and you have just arrived here and i didn't tell youbefore but my housmeate doesn't want anyone else around' etc etc ) I have almost given up trying to meet up and arrange anything with anyone. Good heavens, I KNOW I am scatty but this is CRAZY!

Pretty, Vacant

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me?

- Kasey Chambers
'Not Pretty Enough'

All of her lovers
All talk of her notes
And the flowers
That they never sent
And wasn't she easy
And isn't she
Pretty in pink?
The one who insists
He was first in the line
Is the last to
Remember her name
He's walking around
In this dress
That she wore
She is gone
But the joke's the same

- Psychedelic Furs
'Pretty In Pink'

I am not pretty. My shows are not pretty. My art is not pretty. My prose is not pretty. My jokes are not pretty. My life is not pretty. My scars are not pretty.

Time for a new aesthetic.

Swedish Snippets

TODAY THERE WERE SMALL PATCHES OF BLUE SKY! Unfortunately I was not quick enough to catch this phemomena with my camera, but I swear it was true- pale blue poking through behind white clouds! Oh, it was magical, and even though it is still the middle of winter there was almost enough daylight to wake you up, almost...

Things I love about (southern) Sweden:
My mates.
Eating sill (herring) and shrimp paste and liquid yoghurt with fruit for breakfast. And meatballs for dinner.
The flat fields dotted with small farmhouses and churches and, well, it is hard to describe- will try to post pictures later!
The ferry I will be taking tomorrow from Helsingborg to Helsingor.
Spendrups beer. Or is it ol? Öl? Can't remember, but I like it very much all the same.
Coffee with vodka. Bugger Irish coffee- bless the Swedes for this one!
Amusing vowels (öäå) in public.
The VERY cute girl with shaved head and the big smile in the cafe in Göteburg shopping centre who mademe an excellent soy latte with a heart in the froth.
The amazing bushwalk I went on in a National Park today, full of much moss and fungi and damp leaves and lichen and other things of that nature (which made me most happy).
Funny little kids in snowsuits.
Blonde wood and blonde people, white candles and white walls. All VERY minimal and peaceful and simple, if kind of disorienting after a while.
The 'light' in winter. Soft-focus, gentle, makes the world seem dream-like and a little surreal.

Things that I miss about Australia:
My families- biological, logical and totally illogical.
Uni- strange but true.
Phoenix, Bad Dog, Kooky, The Sly, Hellfire and the Newtown (R.I.P). And anywhere Mandy, Fesity or Sveta be playing!
Sigh- 'the weather here has been perfect high 20's beach weather.... *sigh* I'm having a siesta then heading to the beach this arvos'.

MORE FROM SOUTH OF THE BORDER *VIC*

Sigh, again. Oh, to be two (okay, maybe three or four) places at once!

JACQUI BROWN AND GINA MOORE @ KICK GALLERY

Jacqui Brown: ever been mistaken for a 'boy' in the LADIES or felt unsafe in the MENS? Everyone, regardless of gender identification, presentation or ability has the right to access safe and dignified bathroom facilities without fear of harassment, judgment or violence.
Gina Moore: the work in this exhibition explores the point at which we identify stable, meaningful objects from a dynamic and ambiguous visual field.
VENUE: Kick Gallery, 239 High St, Northcote
LAUNCH: Wed 23 Jan, 6 pm DATE: Wed 23 Jan - Sat 9 Feb
TIME: Wed-Fri: 12 - 8 pm Sat: 12 - 5 pm
PRICE: Free
INFO: info@kickgallery.com or www.kickgallery.com

Zoo Poo

Having been having myself a right old panicky strange blah day today, for no real reason that I can pinpoint. In the last 48 hours I have:
Found a couple of interviewees for the genderqueer article
Been invited to stay in a tent in the living room of an odd little performance artist in Queens
Been invited to jellywrestle a hot chick (or two) when I get back to Sydney
Had odd train adventures in Sweden (nothing kinky, sorry, just random and randomly fun)
Found out a very sexy lady will be in San Fran when I am and we can hang out
Chatted with a lot of my Aussie mates online
Hung out with my two best Swedish mates
Saw a great exhibition on trafficking at Göteburg World Museum
Ate Swedish meatballs (again, nothing kinky)
Agreed to learn German with a bear back in Aus

And... still, this intense attack of teariness and nostalgia and fear. What IS going on here?

I think part of me is scared to come back home, and I know that the time is coming soon. Scared that coming back will mean coming back to old hurts, old hauntings and old habits. Sure, some of it will be the same- same ghetto, same singledom, same PhD, same mates. This is all good. What I need to let go of are the ghosts that keep me locked into past behaviours and patterns, that keep me longing for things that hurt me and behaving in ways that bear no good for who I am now or who I want to be. That keep me out drinking on school nights and leaving important tasks to the last minute and hiding under my doona for days and not speaking up when I want something or someone and doubting the value of my art and my writing and my being.

If you always do what you've always done
You'll always get what you've always got

No idea where I read that years ago, but it rings true for me. So it is time to set new routines, learn new skills, set up a new house, find a new local and teach myself new tricks for a new trade. Present mood: Optimistic. Its a new dawn, its a new day...

Gender Blender

An exhibition that was held in Göteburg, Sweden last year. Wow... view the exhibition here.

Savage Love Makes Me Smile, Yet Again

And gives me hope for the new year too! Here's the latest pearl necklace of wisdom:

'Q. I realize Savage Love is a sex-advice column (as evidenced by much vulgar language), but I'm going to ask anyway: (1) What is your definition of love? (2) How do you know if you're in "love"? (3) How do you know if they're the "one"? —Anonymous

A. (1) Love is making out with someone after you've blown a load on his/her face.
(2) You know you're in love when you're eating breakfast in a restaurant together the morning after he/she blew a load on your face and you suddenly realize that you didn't wash your face when you got out of bed that morning and you don't care.
(3) You know he/she is the one when he/she realizes that you've just realized that you're eating breakfast in a restaurant the morning after he/she blew a load on your face and you didn't wash your face when you got out of bed that morning and he/she smiles, leans over the table, and gives you a kiss. '

Which leads me on to an impromptu vox pop to answer a question of definition that came up when discussing the spit or swallow conundrum (well, conundrum for some- always seemed pretty obvious to me) with the Swedish Sweetie last night. If, in relation to the blowing of bioboy bits, you should claim 'I don't swallow' so you mean:
a) I will always politely spit out any boy-juice into my handkerchief before I have the chance to ingest it or
b) NO WAY is that icky jizz even coming close to my tongue or tastebuds in the first place?

Some Belated Festive Cheer

I know, I know, its a crazy amount of blogging for one afternoon but internet access dubious at best somust make the most of it!

Mistletoe from Grenoble, and angels from Manchester.

Lyon Street Art

And some weird sculpture thing that looks like a torso but has some function on the roads? Oh, the French, they are tres artistic and all that...

Upstart Your Alley January 27th *Melbourne*

Yeah, yeah, I will still be in San Francisco... enjoy!

Upstart Alley V - Sunday January 27th 2008

Supported by Gasworks and topping off the Transdestinations festival for Midsumma is a night boasting a sit down cabaret performance show, jump up tunes and slutty side show entertainment. Belt yourselves into your seats to witness spectacular feats of gender defiance and glamorous rebellion by performers including Azaria Universe, Pluto Savage(Sydney), Byrne n Erge (New Zealand), The Bastard Snowpeas, Madam Cavity and more! Then shake your bootee and get filthy to some live tunes from the divine Husny Thalib and his saucy dancers, followed by a DJ set from Kapitolina.

Upstart Alley is a not for profit crew who have been exciting crowds with a range of bent and daring performance and music events. We welcome all you trannies, freaks, queers and misfits who punch and leak outta the boxes and beyond. We are committed to cheap as possible entry and holding events at fully wheelchair accessible venues with gender neutral toilets.

*** tickets on sale now ***
When: Sunday 27th Jan (bar opens 8pm, shows start 9pm sharp) Where: Gasworks Theatre, corner Pickles and Graham st, Albert Park
Tickets: $16 full/$12 concessionBookings (limited seating): 9699 3253
frontdesk@gasworks.org.au
For more info and media enquires: upstartalley@yahoo.com.au
Website: www.myspace.com/upstartalley

Zir Cup Runneths Over

A call for assistance and collaboration:

Does anyone know much about cupping? Does anyone have cups? Is anyone good at using cups? I am interested in playing about with both wet and dry cupping for a photo shoot, with a hope to enter in the SLPA art show this year (or submitted to SLIT, or… you know, the usual queer freaky pervy places and spaces), and with a possible view to use this process in a Hellfire show or similar eventually. If you think you can help out at all, please let me know! I’m thinking it would only take a few hours to shoot, and could easily be done one evening or weekend afternoon. I’ll be back in Sydney from start of Feb, so give me a couple of weeks to settle in and then… let’s do it!

Femme, Fataled

I let her go like the fool that I was
Thought I’d find somebody new
I smell her perfume when my eyes are closed
I see her face on the moon
She doesn’t exist anymore

- Robyn Hitchcock
‘She Doesn’t Exist Anymore’


I have spent the last half hour or so trying to write something, but I didn’t know what it was, until I found myself repeating ‘I was a good woman’ over and over. I think I am needing to mourn, or rather have a good old-fashioned wake, for my former female self. I need to write my her an epitaph and obituary, praise her and thank her and tell her we’ll meet again some day. For I was a good woman. As a grown daughter, as a hetero fiancée, as a bi housegirl, as a dyke partner, as everybody's girlfriend, I was a good woman. And I was proud to be a good woman, to be to be sugar and spice and all things nice, to be the gorgon and the virgin and the crone and the goddess and the slut.

Perhaps she will eventually return in some new incarnation, perhaps my zie will be reborn as she, perhaps time and tides will see me back almost where I began. Perhaps my zie already incorptares my she, and she's never really left.

She’s everywhere now that she’s gone
- Nick Cave
‘From Her To Eternity’

I mean, I can't have spent that many years perfecting my identity as the girl in the song for not even an echo to remain. And it was so many years, and oh so many songs and incarnations: Sheila taking a bow for the Smiths, the Cure's Perfect Girl, The Only Ones' girl from Another Planet, the girl at the bottom of Nick Cave's glass, the Dead Milkmen's Punk Rock Girl spitting out the Crystals Set's stars whilst the Bats were Smoking my Wings, being the girl Devo wanted and the one bathing on Leonard Cohen's roof, the Stranglers Golden Brown with you tied to my mast (yes, I know) and the UK Subs' Tomorrow Girl, not to forget the name I claimed as my own, that of the Birthday Party's Zoo Music Girl:

I call out her name in the night
I call her by her family name
Oh God please let me die beneath her fists

Fantasy Art Exhibition- Call For Submissions

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS
ACON YOUNG WOMEN'S PROJECT¨
FANTASY QUEER WOMEN'S ART EXHIBITION14 - 24 FEBRUARY 2008
MEDIUM, RARE GALLERY REDFERN

THIS IS A CALL OUT FOR ALL SAME-SEX ATTRACTED WOMEN, 26 AND UNDER TO CONTRIBUTE TO FANTASY, AN EXHIBITION BY ACON YOUNG WOMEN'S PROJECT AND PART OF THE 2008 SYDNEY MARDI GRAS FESTIVAL.

THROUGH THE THEME OF 'FANTASY' WE ARE SEEKING SUBMISSIONS THAT BREAK BOUNDARIES, SUBVERT AND TRANSCEND CONVENTION, AND BOTH ENLIGHTEN AND DISSENT.

SUBMISSIONS DUE 26 JANUARY 2008, 5PM

FOR MORE INFORMATION AND AN APPLICATION FORM EMAIL: youngwomen@acon.org.au OR jade_muratore@hotmail.com(Subject title: 'FANTASY EXHIBITION') orORDOWNLOAD FROM ACON WEBSITE: www.acon.org.au

Fairytale Slit Bits

Fairy Tales - Slit Exhibition and Magazine Issue #13
Launch opens Wednesday 20 February at Mori Gallery

The girls and bois from glossy sexy Slit: dyke sex magazine present their fifth annual exhibition, this year with a little romance! Celebrating the launch of Slit's thirteenth issue, this exhibition explores Fairy Tales both in the literal and metaphoric sense. Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming, the Princess and the Pea, Goldilocks, Rumpelstiltskin and the Wizard of Oz are included amongst the tales interpreted by queer women artists bending the sweetest of dreams, and the coldest of night sweats.I t’s the magic kiss – that brings forth life, and transforms, and it is the nightingale’s clear song. It’s happy endings. It’s the issue for queer histories.

Fairy Tales is an official event of the 2008 Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras Festival
http://www.slitmag.org/
Opening night drinks: 6 - 8pm Wednesday 20 February 2008 Exhibition dates: 20 February - 1 March 2008 Mori Gallery open hours: 11 - 6pm Wednesday to Saturday

GenderQueer, GenderBender, GenderIrreverant, GenderVacant, GenderAbundant, GenderExcessive?

I need a few interviewees for a magazine feature I am working on, with at least one person being willing to model for the cover. These folk must identify some way outside of the usual male and female categories, not as trans (ie male-to-female or female-to-male) but as SOMETHING ELSE. I want to speak to the 'zirs' and the 'hirs', the 'genderqueer', the 'monsters' and the 'robots' and all those who can't or won't slot themselves into either the 'he' or the 'she' side of the great gender divide. You know who you are. Speak to me! Pretty please, even if you don't want to use your 'real' name or have your head on the cover of the mag- I'd like as much input from as many people as possible. Thanks!

TransMen Translated

just got this through, oh, how i wish i could go! that's worth a trip south of the border for sure...


Midsumma invites you to our exhibition opening of TransMen Translated
Date 6pm 15th January 2008
Venue Gasworks Angela Roberts –Bird Gallery & Darkroom
Cnr Graham and Pickles streets, Albert Park, Victoria

Featuring the documentaries I like to take out the trash, Bye bye boobies and Surgeryfilm by video artist Wednesday, Melbourne performer Jeremy Wiggins reveals pre andpost transition experiences. The exhibition includes a photographic wall of images shared by members of the female to male, transgendered & butch community. The project is curated by artist Jesslyn Moss for Gasworks Arts Park.

Small Morsels Of Joy From Abroad

Thinks that have made me happy in the last wee while: seeing Bearlesque do a Xmas pantomime at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, the tboy I've been playing with- good conversation AND good shagging, seeing the Trolley from Aus, hanging out with the Lads at Bonnington cafe eating great vegan food, drinking lager, getting my boot fixed, CyberDog gloves, (and rubber mask, rubber tie and disco bag), Hampstead Heath in the snow, the big fountain outside Buckingham Palace, the avant garde exhibition at the British Library, the Wellcome Museum Library, having not very much hair and not wearing a hat, the really dodgy free papers they hand out at Tube stations, chavs, scallies, and my stripy scarf.

And my current obsession with moss, lichen, mould, damp decaying leaf matter, cold clammy tree flesh raw where the bark has fallen away...

Sweden tomorrow. The joy of knowing that soon I will fill my mouth with the taste of sour fish and random pickled and vinegary delights until my eyes water and my tastebuds wince!

Manchester Mania

Latest Travel Plans

For the curious:

Not long to go now, yeah? Stockholm tomorrow, then down through Sweden to visit mates and across to Copenhagen to visit more. Then NY on 15th, San Fran on 24th, and home on the 31st.

Grenoble Is Grand

Tits, Scars and All The Usual

Oh my god/dess, a bloody tranny rant. Who'd have thought? Is short though (and from 30/12/07 again):

When I need to change my body to reflect my gender irregularities it is essential that I bind my breasts flat but the package in my pants is far less important. It is more a case of an absence of the feminine than a presence of the masculine.

A day later, NYE 2007. I have a very intense desire to stay at home and scar my breasts with a scalpel. Both of them, three lines curving around each, deep, simples, cathartic, performed whilst drinking a can of lager from the off-licence and watching the fireworks on the telly. Instead I go to Comedy Camp with the Lad and the Young 'Un (and his hubby), have a pint afterwards, and don't carve myself up at all. Think I am glad I didn't do it somehow, but it is getting to be time that SOMETHING is done to them, or they do something. Perhaps this is just because I know I will begin pumping again soon. Perhaps it is because I am around talk and scars of chest surgery, perhaps it is beacuse I am starting to have one of those creative moments with my thesis, perhaps, well, could be bloody anything- my tits have a mind of their own. Literally.

Oh, look, another rant from the 30th December:

A boy. A bioboy. A heterosexual bioboy. A shaved heterosexual bioboy. A totally shaved heterosexual bioboy. An old punker totally shaved heterosexual bioboy who wore Westwood in the70s and frocks since he was a lad and who knew I wasn’t a girl but left me wringing out the sheets anyway. Zoo all squishy over smooth straight man flesh through baby pink fabric, frills and lace, sheer stockings and suspenders- one should never say never…

Puppy cyber-sex. Beatings with rolled up newspaper, pissing outside or nose rubbed in it, sleeping at the end of the bed, eat on the floor, walks in harness and leash, lurking around the dinner table waiting for scraps, licking feet and face and hands all over. Choke chain. Now I wanna be your dog.

An encounter so intense that it left me hiding under the covers in panicked shock. That moment when it all unravels, when word becomes flesh, when thought processes collapse alongside boundaries, when you can’t see and can’t stop and blindly throw yourself forward into the firing line or the abyss or the sky or the sea or the oncoming traffic and there’s no way to tell what is coming next but only that it is inevitable. Propelled by a force somewhere between epiphany and complete breakdown, running to or possibly from, a safe space to shed skin and share scars, coming to in a puddle of sweat, hurt and scared and distressed and mute and shaking and bewildered and above all grateful. You’re not the girl you think you are.

The intense shag-fest of the last couple of weeks has left me saddlesore and senseless and struggling for breath. Most of these play-pals have been more than casual liaisons- these are people to sleep snuggled up to afterwards and inbetween, to share meals and tea and ideas with, to giggle with and spoon with and bathe with. And thus the role of consort becomes also one of confidante, counsellor, companion and collaborator. I don’t know what to make of most of it, or why I need to make anything of it at all. I just know that I need to take care of myself, and this means giving myself time and space to process and reflect. Sometime quite soon it will be time to pull back again, keep my clothes on in company and myself to myself for a while whilst I build up my energy levels again.

But maybe not quite yet.

Love My Way

30th December again. A bit tragic, but heck, sure we can both cope:

Last night I met a really sweet boy, a mate of the Lad from out of town, and we went out with him and his missus to some shitty techno night and drank much beer and danced a bit and got a tad silly and came back to the flat to blather on for hours with some tinnies from the off-licence. And this boy was entertaining and funny and smart, but the thing that blew my mind was hearing him tell the story of how the two of them met. Damn, that someone was that in love with me… Today spent in a chemical daze, unable to sleep or think straight or leave the flat, reading Loren Cameron’s ‘Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits’. A transman called James Green writes of his post-surgery thoughts ‘Who is going to love me? Who is going to love me now?’. And it makes me cry.

Easily Amused

BTW- I haven't had proper internet access for a while, so you're getting these entries in a bundle. But there are pictures too, so well worth the wait! From 30th December again:

Mistletoe is a poisonous parasite. It grows really high up on trees, a fact which I find ridiculously amusing. I don’t know where I thought it came from, a shrub perhaps, but to see these giant round bundles of leaves and berries against the winter skies thrills me as much as spotting squirrels or the big metal boxes of salt and grit dotted along the roadside for when the icy streets need to some more stick. For all the weary traveller I can be in airports and train stations I am still surprisingly amazed and excited by the most simple of novelties. The discovery of a new cough mixture or small rodent (squirrels! how CUTE are ssuirrels? yes, even the grey ones) or computer keyboard or slang word and I can be happy for days.

Manchester Musings

From 30th December:

As my father’s child I love life up North, the grim grey rain on the filthy canals, working class humour and hospitality, walking up Rivington Pike on Boxing Day, pints of Boddington, Affleck’s Palace, housing estates and football stadiums, hikes across stone walls and pine needles and moors, buttie shops and scrappy scallies, uni students and Morrissey songs. Deepest darkest Manchester indeed. Its one of the few places I have visited that I think I could live in for a while, I want more than just to pass through, take a few pix and send a few postcards. It feels like it could be a home for me, at least for a while.

Home. I haven’t been away that long at all, yet the idea of going back to Sydney is strange, the way it always is I suppose. My friends are there, my work is there, my gigs are there and my family is there but I can’t remember my place in it. Part of this is not having a guaranteed place to live when I return, so that ‘home’ is harder to visualise, and not knowing who I will be living with makes me slightly uneasy too. Share-houses are all well and good, and I have had mostly positive experiences in them, but the idea of having to go through the whole getting-to-your-housemates thing exhausts me just to think of it. New routines, new bin night, new washing up roster, new smoking rules, new noise levels, new stress levels, new worm farm regulations and new boyfriends and girlfriends and parties and smells and artworks happening around me. Have got to thinking that when I return to Aus I might stay with my parents in the burbs for a wee while, until I sort out somewhere new to lay my hat. I want to be cosy and safe, I want to watch the Bill on a Tuesday night and go shopping at the local mall and eating cereal all day and be around families with paddle pools in their backyards and cricket on their TVs, where the heat is all the harsher for the lack of sea breeze and the electric fans run all night and I can rest peacefully amongst the familiar sounds of the suburbs.

Happy New Year/Where Is Everyone?

Hoep you all had a safe and happy and trashy NYE. Mine was VERY quiet, but then, sometimes that is not such a bad thing... and plenty of time to party in the future to be sure. Still.. was dearly wishing I could be at Fruits- half naked and sweating my arse off on the dancefloor...

So, where is everyone? Have hardly heard from ANYONE in Aus of late, and am beginning to feel just a wee bit isolated. Let me know you are out there ! Let me know that you care! Let me know that my emails and texts and postcards are getting through!