Written In Blood

I have been at Uni for hours, writing away amongst piles of books and notes. For a while I kept thinking I could smell blood and wondered if perhaps I was bleeding or someone else in the office was eating steak tartare, but when I held the paper I was working from to my face I realised the scent I had picked up was ink.

Hello From The Horizon

It was pointed out to me recently that something I was struggling with was in all likelihood hopelessly out of date and the reason I didn't 'get it' or really care to was possibly that I was past it. Gee whiz. Maybe when I can't see other people its not because I am lagging too far behind but that I am too far in front? What an odd, yet entertaining, thought! Heehee!

Going, Going, Gone

Out of the house now. Sighs of relief all round!

Milk Assault

'Woman 'sprayed cop with breast milk'

An 18-year-old woman is due in court today accused of assaulting a police officer with breast milk. Felicha Marin, of Palmerston Road, in Acton, was charged with shoplifting and assault after being arrested on March 29. It is alleged she was detained for trying to steal shoes from Lizard, in Hill Street, Richmond. After being arrested for theft she sprayed an officer with milk from her right breast. She is due to appear before at Richmond Magistrates' Court today.'

-'This Is Local London' site.

Farida's Art Online

At deviant art:
http://faridaiqbal.deviantart.com/gallery/

Yay!

Out And About

So you can join me, or avoid me, as you wish:

Wednesday: Slox to catch up with some mates.
Friday: Manacle opening.
Saturday: Going Underground at Phoenix

'GO UNDERGROUND is Feisty's 'every now and then' night at Phoenix. It's about phoenicians getting together to let their hair down on the best li'l dancefloor in town...phoenix-style!! The music policy is dirty, grinding tribal with some sexed-up underground house thrown in. DJs Feisty and Mandy Rollins plus guests go back2back, front2front, side2side and any which way you like - musically of course!'

Cactus

'sitting here wishing on the cement floor
just wishing that i had just something you wore
so bloody your hands on a cactus tree
wipe them on your dress and send it to me

i miss your kissing and i miss your head
and the letter in your writing doesn't mean you're not dead
run outside in the desert heat
get your dress all wet and send it to me'

- Pixies
'Cactus'

According to the interweb, 'Napoleon once wrote to Josephine to ask her not to bathe for 2 weeks before he came home from a battle. He wanted her scent to be powerful, because it turned him on sexually.' I have been sniffing around my room as I pack my belongings, trying to hunt down her scent...John Waters' 'Smellovison' made pefect sense to me, smell for its own sake and as it makes up taste...I am hungry for her bloodsweatcumtears perfume...

Butch Blah

Fact: I have been crashing at mates' places for a while due to oddness at home/moving out etc. Fact: Some of these mates are butch. Fact: Sometimes I wander about in their hoodies or flanny jimjams at their places. Fact: Sometimes I sleep on the couch, sometimes next to them in their beds. Fact: I haven't shagged any of them during this period of time. Fact: Some of these butchs I have dallied with in the past, but mostly not and none am I currently dallying with. Fact: I am a big old slapper sometimes. Fact: I do tend to find butch of the species attractive. Fact: I do find it possible to have butch mates that I don't shag, or want to, despite being attracted to butchs and being a slapper. Fact: Too many people are willing to jump to conclusions, and expect my behaviour as bad/trashy/ill-considered/rude as theirs would be in the same situation. Fact: I don't let my hard-on make all my decisions, and besides, its not usually where might think it is!

Dreaming Of Bassendean

Woke up sick, coughing heaps and still got sore throat and ears. Early morning meeting with supervisor- told that I really should rewrite the whole chapter I have to hand in to publisher by weekend. Of course, between moving and working and arranging housesit and whatnot have no idea when I will find time to do that much work. Back to old house after meeting to pack more, wait for removalists. I just want this to be over! Still, if I get the bulk into storage today, then in one carload I can take the essentials (clothing, notes) etc on Friday, and clean the room and be done with it. Then, maybe then can I work???? Just want somewhere stable to sleep and write...

Despite all this, can see light at end of tunnel. Oh how I dream of Bassendean!

Spilling Over *Call For Submissions*

Working Title: /Spilling Over:/ /A Fat, Queer Anthology/
Editor: Jessica Giusti, Feminist Studies Ph.D. Student, University of
Minnesota
Contact: spillingover@gmail.com spillingover@gmail.com>
Submission Deadline: December 1, 2008

Despite the attention given by queer studies to the materiality of bodies and the cultural and social inscriptions that designate them, still a dearth of both scholarship and literature exists around intersections of gender, sexuality, and fatness. As fat studies begins to emerge as a viable academic location of inquiry, questions surface as to how fat bodies, deemed "excessive" in their trespasses of size and space, create even more complex subject positions when compounded by
queer desires. This proposed anthology seeks contributions addressing junctions of "fat" /and/ "queer" in pieces that consider the representations and resistances of non-normative corporeality and also writings considering the theoretical conceptions of these intricate
subjectivities. /Spilling Over /will reflect the notions of excess, boundaries, and containment implied by the labels "fat" and "queer" both singularly and collectively. In the form of scholarly writing and creative non-fiction pieces, essay submissions might consider (but are not limited to):

* theorizing the concept of "excess" as it pertains to fatness and queerness
* fat and queer identities; personal narratives; reclaiming "fat" and "queer"
* notions of (in)visibility, hypervisibility, and passing and/or privilege
* intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, (dis)ability, age, and religion
* the economics of the obesity "epidemic" and the diet industry
* fat, queer art and performance; performativity
* pleasure, sex-positivity, eroticizing non-normative bodies
* acceptance movements, political activism, resistance
* the engagement of feminism with fatness
* global, transnational, transcultural constructions of fat, queer bodies and lives
* critical reflections of fatness and queerness in media, literature, film, music, and visual arts
* the rhetoric of fat oppression, fatphobia, homophobia, transphobia, bigotry, responding to and/or addressing hate speech

By December 1, 2008, please send your 2,000 – 6,000 word submission, along with your complete contact information and a 50-100 word biography, to spillingover@gmail.com giust002@umn.edu> with the subject line of "Spilling Over – Submission." Submissions must be received in 12 point Times New Roman font and sent in via Word documents
(PDFs will not be accepted). Pieces will be reviewed and decisions made by April 2009. Please note that accepted submissions will be approved on a tentative basis, pending editorial board approval once the anthology has secured a publisher.

Questions can be directed to me at spillingover@gmail.com spillingover@gmail.com> or visit the MySpace page at www.myspace.com/spillingoveranthology

<http://www.myspace.com/spillingoveranthology>.

Please distribute widely.

Stop Press! Zoo's Brain Is Back!

Wow, sometimes it actually feels like I might be able to do this academic writing business. Think it usually has to do with caffeine and codeine!

More Dad Jokes

From Dalziel and Pascoe: A little boy goes up to a police officer. ‘Officer, officer! I’ve lost my dad.’ ‘What’s he like?’. ‘Women and beer.’

Boom boom.
Reminds me of a card I bought a lover years ago. Two construction workers sitting on a wall, and a cute girl walks by. 1st ‘I’ve always been a tit man.’. 2nd worker ‘Don’t you think that’s a bit sexist?’. ‘Sorry- tit person.’

My childhood spent watching BBC comedies and listening to the jokes of my English relatives has left me still thinking humour like this is simply hilarious! One day I will possibly found sucking on a stick of Blackpool Rock and wearing a hat that says ‘Kiss me quick/Squeeze me slowly.’

Cracked

One of my dear friends has the following as her signature line, and I am inclined to agree:

'Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light'

Failure

‘If you know you are going to fail, then fail gloriously’
- Cate Blanchett

Curdle Cat

A friend of the Westie has named her new kitten Curdle. As in my show. This makes me smile. The cat who got the cream, frothy fur and saucers of milk. Milk is for the pussy, after all. Just ask Simone*.

* Bataille ref, Google ‘Story of the Eye.’

Mystic Medusa Says

Capricorn: So long as you don’t let those less steady than yourself rock your confidence, this is a brilliant week for Caps. Emphasis in your health and administrivia sector is auspicious for going back over arrangements and giving them a good tweak. You uncover all sorts of treasures via this process. On a deeper note, there is a distinct undertone of leaving something behind, even if it is just an attitude. All of the astro-weirding favours you making self-regard-boosting choices.

Aquarius: Digging around long-ago-ditched creative projects triggers eureka flash moments as Mercury goes retro in your ars gratia artis sector. Declutter ASAP and see how it alters creativity. Then again, several planets throng the Aqua-relationship-axis. You may be euphoric, operating in several dimensions at once. Monday and Tuesday are best treated with suave caution. Prudence is fashionable again. Don’t push known idiots into a confrontation.

Virgo: The Virgoan vibe this weekend is half decadent, half psychosomatic quirks/fluttery angst. Cherchez le grip. Remember that even Virgos are allowed to have fun and relax. You could schedule it onto a spreadsheet. Monday and Tuesday are tense but revelatory. Keep it ridiculously real as Venus in your vocational sector squares Saturn in your sign. Thursday on is thankfully brilliant as the moon meets Uranus: a sudden but blissful overture or fab breakthrough occurs.

For the rest, add a dot com.

Affairs Of The Hair

My hair is bigger than it has been in quite a few years. Not sure what it thinks it is doing but it appears resistant to being cut or even styled very much, and is certainly not in the mood for a go with the clippers. Perhaps it is protecting me, perhaps it is trying to harbour native wildlife, perhaps it is simply announcing the fact that I am feeling a bit softer these days, perhaps it is just giving my head a break from being cold this winter. Whatever the reason, I daresay I am enjoying it somewhat. Heavens! Next thing I will be wearing a fascinator! Ribbons! Barrettes! Hairspray! Backcombing!

Is this the end of me and my Skin Marvin fantasies? No! Say it isn’t so!

Friends In Need

Couch-hopping has been an adventure alright- not without its drawbacks (not conducive to getting much Uni work done, bit stressful having to organise places to stay) but altogether enjoyable and full of lessons. Have spent LOTS of quality time with my family, watching endless BBC comedies and documentaries, reading lots of weekend newspaper supplements and Readers’ Digests, giggling over Far Side comics, sleeping on the couch with a hot water bottle wearing one my Dad’s jumpers (oh, how cosy is that? perfectly snugly and comforting!). Staying with a new-ish friend, making beautiful bloody photos and giggling to Eurovision and talking life and love and nonsense and planning more art. A few nights spent with an old mate, reminiscing about how many times I have sat in her living room after leaving my house in a hurry (history, repeat? Blah!) and talking through past trials and tribulations whilst drinking beer and laughing a lot and reaffirming that we’d always be there for each other. The opportunity to housesit a couple of lovely places for mates. Afternoons watching Madame hand make pasta and sitting in front of the heater with her and the ABC and perving through her book collection. Food cooked by friends and new distractions and the sort of chaos that sometimes begets curious creative projects. Still writing some magazine stuff (see July’s Cherrie), still making some pix and performance (SLPA art show, life modelling for SLPA, next Slit, Wobblie Pobblie show, probably something at Inquisition), still muddling through meetings and organising conference papers and all that. Am getting a little run-down and exhausted from all this moving about and instability, but nothing some rest and vitamins shouldn’t fix I imagine.

And after this some sort of concrete plans to come, thanks to you-know-who (if you don’t know who, then here’s a hint: same reason I am grinning a lot lately and feeling a renewed hope in all things amourous).

None The Wiser

Five hours with a theory nerd, reviewing and editing a book chapter, and I am none the wiser. All I still know is that theory and I are not the best of friends, that I don't care about the why nearly as much as the what or how most of the time, that I don't care for academia nearly as much as I should (?), that I cannot do this (or don't want to enough?)... Its bloody awful. Why am I here? What on earth possessed me to even dally in any sort of cultural studies? This is NOT me, and I should stop trying to force the issue. I need to find new ways to engage, to think, to create, to analyse, to exist- this is not where I should be. Maybe I should quit my PhD?

I want to go and study art, make installations, work with my body instead of theorising it. Mostly I just want to be.

Hacking The Future

Lukas Z just sent this link through to his new site, http://www.hackingthefuture.org. You will like it.

Booty Call

If you want something, so the theory goes, you just need to put it out there and the universe will provide. To this end, see the title of this post. Zoo needs to play...

SLPA Fair Day

Event Info Host: Sydney Leather Pride Association
Type: Other - Carnival
Time and Place Date: Sunday, June 1, 2008
Time: 12:30pm - 6:00pm
Location: Midnight Shift Hotel
Street: 85 Oxford St
City/Town: Darlinghurst, Australia
Contact Info Email: facchwa@aapt.net.au

2 DJs. Shows, displays and contests throughout the day. So just do as you're told and be there!

Settled, And Stirred

Hmm, it was asked of me tonight if I want to find someone to 'settle down with'? Not exactly. What I want from a 'partner' is much the same as I want from my mates (in various contexts). Someone to:

Laugh with me. Dance with me. Provoke me. Inspire me. Walk with me. Cook with me. Eat with me. Love with me. Cry with me. Play dress-ups with me. Make stories with me. Make history with me. Read with me. Ache with me. Smile with me. Bleed with me. Hurt with me. Heal with me. Travel with me. Live with me.

None of this as passive as to 'settle down' would suggest. To settle in terms or not being quite so agitated perhaps, but not in terms of not agitating. Still need to keep stirring the pot. And loins.

I Love Paul Kelly

So let the time keep rolling on
It's on my side
Lonely nights will soon be gone
High is the tide

Before too long
We'll be together
And no-one will tear us apart
Before too long
The words will be spoken
I know all the action by heart

As the night time follows day
I'm closing in
Every dog will have his day
Any dog can win
Shut the shade do no fear anymore
Here I come creeping round your back door

Before too long
I'll be repeating
What's happened before in my mind
Before too long
Over and over
Just like a hammer inside

As the nighttime follows day
I'm closing in
Every dog will have his day
Any dog can win
Before too long

- Paul Kelly
'Before Too Long'

3 Weeks Down, 6 To Go

So, really, I am a third of the way there. Don't know whether that makes me feel better or worse!

Goatman & The Don't Look 2203 Collective *Words And Art And Beer Etc*

WHAT: Friday Nite LIVE (Dulwich Hill Style)…
WHO: Goatman & The Don't Look 2203 Collective
WHEN: Friaday May 23, 6.30pm
WHERE: Don't Look Gallery, 419 New Canterbury Rd, Dulwich Hill
(a block back from the corner of New Canterbury Rd and Marrickville Rd)
CONTACT: Phone: Greg Shapley on 0401 152 434, Email: dontlookgallery@gmail.com
ENTRY: Gold coin donation to assist with the zine and CDs.

*** Friday Nite LIVE (Dulwich Hill Style)… ***

Come watch Goatman load his poetic mind with dynamite, then explode all over the audience! A combination of mutant mumblings, recalcitrant rumblings, prophetic poetry, quixotic questioning, frantic filth and maybe (if you're lucky) some poo-bah philosophy. Now in high definition delirium! Followed by an open mic for the people (even the guys from the tool
shop next door!). This will also be the launch of the zine 'this page left intentionally blank' and the new collaborative CD, 'T'tch T'tch'. DJs & drinks also on tap. ALL WELCOME!

TAINTED LOVE *Homo Films And Singing*

This is all I know about this, but looks rather interesting:

SGLC’s latest offering, ‘Tainted Love,’ is fast approaching – Sunday 22^nd June at 4pm, to be precise! This is a very special one-off for SGLC, so please consider joining us. Our co-conspirators for this event are Jay Katz and Miss Death from FBI’s ‘Naked City’ (aka Jamie Leonarder from SBS’s ‘Movie Show’ and Aspasia Leonarder), keepers of the legendary counter-culture stronghold, the Mu-Meson Archives.

SGLC will provide live soundtracks to films dealing with homosexuality from the 1930s to the 1960s. Expect nudity, adult themes, and unjust allegations of deviance in these propaganda and sexploitation films from the times when we were criminals. The show will be confronting, educational, and also, we hope, rollicking good fun. And in case you’re suspecting us of poor taste (us? never!), the world premiere of Paul Castle’s The Angel will raise the tone of the evening accompanied by avant-garde film from the 1930s. Hope to see you at Paddo RSL in June! As always, feel free to pass this on to anyone you think may be interested.

My Body My Business *Curator And Artist Talks And Tour This Sunday*

ATVP presents ... This Sunday 25th May .3.00-5.00pm.

Curator and Artist Talks and Tour of the exhibition
My Body, My Business

Curated by Grace Kingston
(Under the ATVP Emerging Curator Mentorship Program)

Join ATVP, Grace and a selection of artists from the exhibition as they take you on a guided tour of the exhibition and uncovering the background behind the works and the exhibition itself.
Followed by afternoon tea and further friendly discussion in the courtyard. All FREE, All Welcome.

MCA ZINE FAIR *Sunday 25th*

My mate Anne Bentley will be at this with her zine, and apparently there be a LOT of other zinesters there too (like 50 or so I think) so if you like the self-published word and art get on down to Circular Quay this Sunday. And maybe, just maybe, they still have tables going so if you are keen to show your stuff then call MCA tomorrow (think tables $10 or so). Oh, and check out the Fiona Hall exhibition while you are at it!

What: MCA ZINE FAIR
When: Sunday 25th May. 11am-6pm.
Where: Museum of Contemporary Art
How much: FREE

NEW CHERRIE TO BITE INTO

This month’s CHERRIE is a kink and fetish special in support of Sydney Leather Pride Association’s annual celebrations. Find out what BDSM means for four local queer women, and check out some hot outfits modelled by Sonja and Princess in the fashion spread to get some ideas on what to wear to Inquisition, the organisation's big kink party. Plus: Local singer Dominique Khoury tells us about her many ‘labels’; Buffy does girls in comic book form; and Gina Mamone from the US is combining art and revolution with the largest GLBTIQ record label in the world. And: Popular drag king Sexy Galexy returns to Sydney for a one-off show at Moist this month! Read our exclusive online-only Q&A with Sexy on the Cherrie website (www. cherrie. com. au). That's all in addition to our regular reviews, Activism page and scene pix!

Get your copy of CHERRIE at your usual pick-up point and visit www. cherrie. com. au where you can comment on individual stories. If you can’t grab a hard copy, click on This Month’s issue on the website to read the entire mag for free in jpeg format (recommended for dial-up users) or click on PDF Issues to download and read the mag as a PDF (recommended for broadband users).

SCAR PRINT PROJECT *FRIDAY NIGHT*

So much on this time of year it seems... here's another one for tomorrow evening!

SCAR PRINT PROJECT
Friday 23rd of May
7pm
LittleFish Gallery 22 Enmore Rd Newtown

The SCAR print project has involved a series of lino print workshops aimed at survivors, supporters, friends, and communities, exploring ideas and themes around sexual assault, healing, consent, community response, and so on. Throughout these workshops, participants have created a series of lino prints that will be exhibited this Friday at LittleFish, and then
auctioned off to raise money for World Without collective to reprint the World Without newspaper. This is a dry event, that means no booze, but plenty of ginger beer!!!

And I Thought Belgians Just Made Chocolate

Westie just sent me this. Bless!

'Two Belgian beer fans have launched a video game named 'Place to pee', which allows players to slalom down ski slopes or kill aliens while relieving themselves at urinals. Werner Dupont, a software developer, and Bart Geraets, an electrical engineer, got the idea while drinking Belgian trappist beers, they said at a local festival. "This thing had to be invented by Belgian people and that's what we are," they said. The 'Place to pee' booth is designed for two users at a time and offers two games - blowing up aliens in outer space or skiing down a virtual slope. Gamers hit their target by aiming at sensors positioned on either side of the urinal.

A specially designed paper cone allows women to play too, the inventors say. Their 'Place to pee' logo resembles 'Manneken Pis', the little urinating boy fountain that is among Brussels' top sightseeing attractions.

- Reuters'

The Tip Of My Tongue

Is food sexy? Playboy regularly features stories about asparagus and bananas and leeks and courgettes or being smeared with chocolate chip icecream. I once bought some erotic body oil, authentic Pina Colada flavour, and poured it over myself but it made my lover's tongue come out in a rash.

Then there are candle-lit dinners and those leering waistcoated waiters with outsize pepperpots. There are, too, simple picnics on the beach which only work when you're in love and because otherwise you couldn't bear the sand in the brie. Context is all, or so I thought, until I started eating with Louise.

When she lifted the soup spoon to her lips how I longed to be that innocent piece of stainless steel. I would gladly have traded the blood in my body for half a pint of vegetable stock. Let me be diced carrot, vermicelli, just so that you will take me into your mouth. I envied the French stick. I watched her break and butter each piece, soak it slowly in her bowl, let it float, grow heavy and fat, sink under the deep red weight and then be resurrected to the glorious pleasure of her teeth.

The potatoes, the celery, the tomatoes, all had been under her hands. When I ate my own soup I strained to taste her skin. She had been here, there must be something of her left. I would find her in the oil and the onions, detect her through the garlic. I knew that she spat in the frying pan to determine the readiness of the oil. Its an old trick, every chef does it, or did. And so I knew when I asked her what was in the soup that she had deleted the essential ingredient. I will taste of you if only through your cooking.

- Jeanette Winterson
'Written On The Body' (36-37)

Lately I have become orally fixated, smoking ciggies and drinking beer with abandon, wanting to eat lots of creamy rich food, to gorge on frothy coffees and milky cereal, to stuff gooey melted cheeses into my gob and fill my mouth with hot apple pie and icecream, to pop boiled eggs like lollie... But its not enough, this hunger is physical but no amount of dairy or peanut butter is going to satisfy my appetite. My tongue searches over my teeth and gums for a trace, my tastebuds remember but can't quite touch it, she is right on the tip of my tongue...

And Sydney?

Cities have sexes: London is a man, Paris a woman, and New York a well-adjusted transsexual. - Angela Carter

Girl In Every Port

Oh, the romance of long-distance relationships... the yearning, the longing, the parts being made fonder by absence (or absinthe, just to cope), the passionate letters and the excitement of phonecalls, the waiting by the inbox for a new missive, the treasured photographs and eagerly anticipated texts, the counting down of days and writing of poetry...

Sod that for a joke. I want flesh-to-flesh contact, want to taste her and smell her and feel her breath on my face, I want to be bruised by her and bitten by her and held down by her, I want to snuggle into her armpit and let my fingers map every inch of her. How many weeks to go now? This is torture. Sweet torture, but torture nonetheless! Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

MORAL PANIC

Strangely, the same night as Tranni Panic- what's all the panicking about? I shall definately be at TP, and probably this on the way 'cos its cheap and close and I know lots of the folk!
-------

Odds N Sods presents Moral Panic, an insubordinate night of sound, performance and visual/interactive art. Thanks to God nutters, pollies and mudslap happy media, moral panics have highlighted the beautiful, the courageous, the creative people on the fringes in all their diversity.

Queer performance, interactive art and live acts will be punctuated by the tunes of DJ Kes, Ravertron, Mukole, Tuc and Lego spinning dubstep, electro breaks, electronica to a mosaic of pop/rock/punk sounds.
Performances by:
La Donna Rama & Jessee-Liina Spectacular
Keztril
Dashiell & Jane
The Butcher Femme


Proceeds go to supporting local performers, artists and DJs who add to the Panic.

When: Friday May 23
Cost: $5/10 entry
Venue: Hermanns
9pm until 3.

Further Comments On The Sad State Of Things

You know, after all of this nastiness and weirdness I still can't see anyone involved as being particularly horrible. I can understand how things get out of hand sometime, that everyone deals with stuff the best they can, that not everyone follows the same rules, that even the simplest things may get misinterpreted, that people respond strongly and without thinking (myself included) sometimes, that conversations had when trashed are often remembered and retold in odd ways, that everyone comes with baggage, that people are usually trying their best to live peacefully but sometimes just can't work out how to make it happen, that folk on the outside then try to help and sometimes make things worse, that things just snowball and suddenly its a SITUATION, that some people just attract drama and its probably not entirely their doing, that we are all struggling with our own demons and ought to make more allowances (again, myself included in all of these categories)... I don't think that anyone WANTS this awfulness and drama.

At the end of the day, I still respect and care for all concerned, and can see how a lot of it happened and got blown out of all reasonable proportion. Of course, maybe I am wrong and everyone is bloody awful and spiteful and malicious- but I refuse to believe it. These people are/were my mates for a reason, and bad behaviour doesn't have to equate to bad people. So, whilst I will still be making myself scarce for a while, its not with malice or loathing. Just a desire to let everyone lick their wounds and retract their claws for a while. I'm exhausted and guess everyone else is too.

For Some Reason I Am Singing This

Fields they have eyes
Woods they have ears
Fish always sink
Head first downward
I'll never dismount
I ride the tiger
Crosses are ladders
Leading to heaven

Keep the candle burning
Bright in the window
It's the only light
I'll see tonight
Beggars can't be choosers
Shrouds have no pockets
Some of us wake up
Others roll over

Hear the dog bark
Watch the trees sway
Keep the candle burning
Both night and day
Many invade
I take no quarter
This is my land
I'll never surrender

- Public Image Limited
'Warrior'

High School Reunion

It is over 18 years since I went to high school, and now it seems I have agreed to go to a reunion in August(if I in Sydney at that point). Geez, that will be ODD, to say the least. 'So, what have you been up to since 1990?' 'Well- lost my religion, got engaged, ran a record store, worked in finance, turned in a dirty old tranny fag, had a series of disturbing relationships, travelled a lot, started doing fetish shows, got lots of piercings and tattoos, made some rude art, slutted about, induced lactation and am currently writing a PhD.' Bleeding heck.

WINTERSON TOMORROW

It is not too late to get tix for Jeanette Winterson at the Opera House tomorrow. Book at http://www.sydneyoperahouse.com/whatson/JeanetteWinterson.aspx .YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

"In between freezing and melting. In between love and despair. In between fear and sex, passion is."
-Jeanette Winterson

On A Brighter Note...

I do have a housesit for a couple of months, so can move the bulk of my stuff into storage, stay smack bang in the middle of the ghetto in a nice house with a cute cat and work out what to do next. A few things on the horizon housing-wise, and the rest of life is pretty damned good really! PhD in a reasonable state, been spending a lot of quality time with my family and just hanging out with mates, making lots of art and of course the Westie is delightful as ever (possibly more so). So, take the bad with the good and try to stay the heck out of any further trouble, and hope to heaven that once I have extricated myself from this lot of weird and confusing unpleasantness that I will make better future decisions. Live and learn- at least that is the theory!

Eating My Words

I have just been blasted for spreading gossip and speaking out of turn. I have some idea of what this is about, and am now issuing a blanket apology for anything innappropriate I may have said about my current situation or the people in it and the way that I have been treated by some folk in my world, to whoever I said it to and whoever it was about.

It has been a VERY rough time for me lately, and I have been fired at from several directions at once without any warning, and I have been VERY hurt by things that have gone on and things that I have heard said about me and to me directly. But is true- I have retaliated and reacted in ways that have not been particularly mature or restrained and I should have known better. It is also true that in many cases I was not the one who initiated the dialogue, though this does not mean that I should have been stupid enough to engage in it with people who obviously tell tales out of school (and I suspect often do not report accurately- please don't put your words in my mouth). And to those who recieve these reports and decide I am the devil incarnate, I would suggest that sometimes it is wisest not to believe everything you hear uncritically. I would like it on record that that I am not the only one who sometimes speaks with a forked tongue, and that one does not always know who ones friends are.

Gossip is dangerous, and I want to opt out entirely from the ugliness that is going on. It has long been apparent that I am totally useless at the whole 'he said blah she said blah and then this happened' crapola game, the whole bitchiness that is so often part of this scene, the 'who is talking to who and who shagged who's girlfriend behind whose back' and don't want to play anymore. Its not pleasant, its not neccessary, its not a good thing, its not what I signed up for and I don't know how to cope with it. I am willing to cop the grief for my part in this whole horrible mess, and to this end will be staying the hell away from all involved as much as possible. That is as much as I can do.

Sorry. And no, I don't really want to talk about it.

BookFaced

So...

I gave up and gave in and now I am on Facebook, which means more ways to keep in contact with the Westie. And everyone else. Seriously, HOW MANY PEOPLE are on the internet at 10pm on a Saturday night? Everyone it seems, and all on Facebook. Arrgh! I think I am addicted already...so, just look for Zoo Zoo- I should be easy enough to find...

Leather Life Drawing

New to Sydney Leather Pride Week and Artspace this year will be a fun and pervy life drawing night. Let loose your inner genius, let our muses guide your hands to feats of unparalleled creation.

Bring along your pens, paper, paint or charcoal. Whatever you like getting your hands dirty with.

We will have live models, reflective of our world and what we like to see, and what inspires us.

Wine and cheese will be provided, to get your creative juices flowing. This night requires no special skill or previous experience, just a willingness to have a go.

It will be held at Aurora Gallery, 43 Bedford Street Newtown on Tuesday the 3rd June from 7pm.

Where To Find Gurlesque Online

Gurlesque have a new myspace profile and a facebook. So now you have no excuses for being out of the kinkysexystripgrrls loop.

Hangover Ramble

Went to Hellfire last night, in my new pinafore, tie, top hat, stockings with red ribbons laced through them. It was a very nice night, got very pissy and danced for hours, and the shows were great and people were sexy and I got bought many drinks and it wasn't too sleazy and swapped gorgeous texts with the Westie and blabbed on about her to anyone who would listen and stumbled home around 4am I guess...

Fry-up of egg, spinach, zucchini, mushrooms, salt and lots of black pepper. Two cups of coffee. Some sort of BBC thing about the British nicking Egyptian statues from their rightful owners. George and Mildred. The Good Life. More Westie texts. Happy Zoo. Now off to Uni, with books and notes and all, to work off my hangover and try not to get a new one. Friend just invited me to her 21st, so might pop along for a wee while but shall endeavour not to drink. Then over to Madame's tomorrow to hang out and watch telly and work on my chapter while Madame stands over me with a big stick. Might go flanny jammy shopping now, trying not to spend too much money but oh! How lovely would big soft warm flanny jammies be?

Butterflies In My Tummy

Love is like a butterfly
As soft and gentle as a sigh
The multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings
Love makes your heart feel strange inside
It flutters like soft wings in flight
Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing

I feel it when you're with me
It happens when you kiss me
That rare and gentle feeling that I feel inside
Your touch is soft and gentle
Your kiss is warm and tender
Whenever I am with you I think of butterflies

Love is like a butterfly
The multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings
Love makes your heart feel strange inside
It flutters like soft wings in flight
Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing

Your laughter brings me sunshine
Everyday is spring time
And I am only happy when you are by my side
How precious is this love we share
How very precious, sweet and rare
Together we belong like daffodils and butterflies

Love is like a butterfly
As soft and gentle as a sigh
The multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings
Love makes your heart feel strange inside
It flutters like soft wings in flight
Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing

(as sung by Nana Mouskouri and Dolly Parton)

Still Smitten

Well, what did you expect? She even writes poetry...perfect!

Word For The Day

Lepidopterous: belonging or pertaining to the Lepidoptera, an order of insects comprising the butterflies, moths, and skippers, that in the adult state have four membranous wings more or less covered with small scales.

Thankyou Westie. You do indeed teach me many things.

Don't know if I ever mentioned this, but years ago I had a mini-phobia concerning moths. It centred on the fact that they are furry, and that one might fly into my mouth and I would be trying to spit it out but the fur would be damp with saliva and therefore would stick to my tongue and teeth, and it would taste brown-grey with a little crunch in the middle, and would be fluttering about my throat... (ooh, it was an awful thing to ponder, and from memory somehow tied to reading something about drowning kittens and imaging that sort of still-warm soggy fur. Around the same time I had a morbid fear of accidentally picking up the razor instead of the toothbrush, and absentmindedly shaving my teeth, which prompted much shivering as I dwelt upon the sensation of blade into enamel... What prompted that one is anyone's guess.)

Anyhow, I digress. Back to pretty, pretty butterflies!

Dazed And Dialectic

Don't ask me why or how I found a site called TorsoPants, but I did, and this was on it, and I thought it was funny.

GO TO EXPERIMENTA PLAYGROUND NOW

No arguments- just do it and thank me later!

http://www.experimenta.org/playground-touring/

Carriageworks, Wed-Sun 12midday-8pm. Free.

Abromovic, Stelarc, giant shadow machine that makes you look like a monster, self-help atm, dance booth, lots of ridiculous film works, a rockpool that you can influence by casting shadows over it... SO much to look at and play with!

Starry Starry Night

My stars, from Free Will. Love them!

CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] During your entire life, you have maybe never been as free as you are now. You don't need anyone to rescue you from your own dark fantasies because, at least for the moment, your bright fantasies have rendered them obsolete. You don't need anyone to liberate you from oppression or enslavement, because you are fully empowered to do the job yourself. You don't even need anyone to deliver you from evil, since your recent hard work has made evil allergic to you.

AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] The complexity of your current astrological aspects almost overwhelmed me. I couldn't see how to compose a meaningful oracle in the face of such rich and confounding prospects. Then, as my deadline approached, I decided to wander down to the beach. At one point, I spied a fortune cookie perched, absurdly, on the top of a fence post. The moment I broke it open and read the fortune inside, I knew I'd found the perfect message for you. It said: "If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man. He will find an easier way to do it."

God Strip The Queen

Gurlesque presents.........

God Strip The Queen.

A strip extravaganza you surely wont want to miss.
Queens Bday Long W/E
Sex and Glitta present for your royal pleasure a line up of Queens that will strip and tease you, amuse you and will cause a revolution of sexy proportions.
To lubricate you from your pre winter gallows,you musnt miss this show...
Starring Imogen Kelly Australias Queen of Burlesque,Gypsy Wood,Elizabeth Burton,from the u.s.a Ms Mia Vixen,Kira Hu lala,Mia Mortal,Wife and Anastasia,.the Ghetto Pussy herself...
Sunday 8th June
Hermans Bar Sydney Uni,cnr Butlin rd and City Rd
6pm-midnight.Showtime 7.15pm. See you there.

You'd have to be in a right royal flush to miss it!!

Smitten...

Does not even come close to the way I feel about... well... take a guess who! Its all very delightful and delirious and demented and delicious...

Grrl-Fire

Will be heading to Hellfire this Friday for the all-grrl shows, Mandy and Sveta sets, and to catch up with a bunch of pervy chicks and trannies. The more the merrier... come and play! Check out the details of the shows and DJs here.

The Glad Game

When I was in Curdle, there was a small TV, black and white and prone to wild fits of static, but I was glad for it often during the quiet lonely times. It justs o happens that one of the channels was playing as eries of kids' films in the afternoons, and one of these was a versiob of Pollyanna. which introduced me to the 'glad game':

Pollyanna's philosophy of life centers on what she calls "The Glad Game", an optimistic attitude she learned from her father. The game consists of finding something to be glad about in every situation. It originated in an incident one Christmas when Pollyanna, who was hoping for a doll in the missionary barrel, found only a pair of crutches inside. Making the game up on the spot, Pollyanna's father taught her to look at the good side of things—in this case, to be glad about the crutches because "we don't need 'em!".

With this philosophy, and her own sunny personality and sincere, sympathetic soul, Pollyanna brings so much gladness to her aunt's dispirited New England town that she transforms it into a pleasant place to live. 'The Glad Game' shields her from her aunt's stern attitude: when Aunt Polly puts her in a stuffy attic room without carpets or pictures, she exults at the beautiful view from the high window; when she tries to "punish" her niece for being late to dinner by sentencing her to a meal of bread and milk in the kitchen with the servant, Nancy, Pollyanna thanks her rapturously because she likes bread and milk, and she likes Nancy (quote from Wikipedia).

"Between the Binaries" Queer Feminist Landscape Architecture

My mate Marti Blue is working at RMIT on Between The Binaries:

This design research project aims to explore if the Landscape can become the canvas to challenge sexism, homophobia and social binaries, however never finding an definite end point of queering design.As well as consulting with community groups and conducting urban analysis this project will employ queerer practices all the way through. ie collectives, community creation, DIY and craft. Input and critique is totally welcomed. "There is no queer space only different points of view.

If you be curious, then head to his blog and read all about it and even put in your own two cents worth if you get the urge.

Stars In My Eyes

The Westie sent me my stars, which at the moment tell me:

'The relationship planet Venus encourages self-preservation. Use your acting skills to feign false bravado and that way no one can exploit your fears. Interact with people who have no axe to grind.'

How very, very, very apt!

Getting Educated

One thing I know is that life is short
So listen up homeboy, give this a thought
The next time someone's teaching why don't you get taught?
It's like that (what?) and that's the way it is...

- Run DMC
'Its Like That'

I will moving out of my latest house soon, for reasons that have been left largely unspoken and should remain that way I think. Sometimes talking it over only makes things a lot worse, and a dignified silence is far preferable.

That's just one of the things this situation has taught me. Seems that at the moment I am getting many lessons repeated, a sort of forced revision and study, and hopefully this time they will be learned thoroughly. Most notable learnings of the last while:

I should always trust my gut instinct.
There are times for fight, and times for flight.
I am not really a drama queen.
Lay down with dogs- get fleas.

WORDS OF ADVICE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE

Recent events have led me to thinking of this song- I'll let you work out which parts in particular:

WORDS OF ADVICE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE

People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people. Well, here are a few simple admonitions for young and old.

Never interfere in a boy and girl fight.

Beware of whores who say they don't want money. The hell they don't. What they mean is they want more money. Much more.

If you're doing business with a religious son of a bitch, get it in writing. His word isn't worth shit, not with the good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.

Avoid fuckups. You all know the type. Anything they have anything to do with, no matter how good it sounds, turns into a disaster.

Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill. Tell them firmly, "I am not paid to listen to this drivel. You are a terminal fool.

"Now some of you may encounter the devil's bargain if you get that far. Any old soul is worth saving at least to a priest, but not every soul is worth buying. So you can take the offer as a compliment. They charge the easy ones first, you know, like money, all the money there is. But who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetery? Not much to spend it on, eh, Gramps? Getting too old to cut the mustard. Have you forgotten something, Gramps? In order to feel something, you have to be there. You have to be 18. You're not 18, you are 78. Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.

How about an honorable bargain? "You always wanted to become a doctor. Now's your chance. Why, you could have become a great healer and benefit humanity. What's wrong with that?" Just about everything. There are no honorable bargains involving exchange of qualitative merchandise like souls. Just quantitative merchandise like time and money. So piss off, Satan, and don't take me for dumber than I look. As an old junk pusher told me, "Watch whose money you pick up."

-- William S. Burroughs

Budding Blossom

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Friends who send me quotes like these make me realise just how much I am loved and understood. Thanks!

Ghost Dance

The Westie sent me my stars today, all the better to cheer me up and perhaps ease my fretting over some strange and traumatic rememberings and events of late:

Put bad memories and ghosts of the past behind you. It is time to forgive yourself and others, look to the future and gamble on speculative ventures.

This is particuarly relevent at the moment when my PTSD from an abusive relationship has returned just a little (read panic, hyperentation, mild agorophobia, hypervigilence, constant apologising when its probably not appropriate), and a recent lover has come to remind me of times I would rather forget- of a Zoo cowering in a corner and crying to be taken back into arms that she knew would smother her, of a Zoo giving up her studies and her arts to mollycoddle smoked paranoia, of a Zoo making exuses for her absences and inability to smile or bounce, and of a Zoo being dumped by many of her mates who had watched it happen and then decided she wasn't fun enough anymore. It was a bad space, a bad time, a barrage of bad blows to my ego... and when I encountered someone who reminded me of her and it well, I went straight back into war mode, not knowing whether to hide in the trenches or come out with guns blazing. In the end I think it was a hysterical and ineffective mixture of both- I'm not good at either confrontation or camoflage so I get a little stuck in the open.

Still, now I realise what is happening, that I am scared, very scared, of that piece of past repeating, maybe this time I can let it go. There is so much to look forward to, and for all my past has shaped me I cannot let my future be governed by it. Not again.

So, time to speculate...and venture.

Grammar Blather

Curses, in the nicest possible way, to whatever committee of bright sparks decided to remove grammar from the syllabus of my primary school education. It makes learning a new language infinately more frustrating to have to keep thinking 'what do they mean by irregular verb?'. Of course, had I studied English or such in my later years this would not be quite such a challenge, but I have no idea what it means to conjugate. Unless it is something rude? Grrr! The DVD that comes with the German book is quite good though, and I do have an excellent Deutsch learning DVD at home too somewhere. Just have to set aside a few hours each week to going through this all, doing the exercises, and keep trying to catch up.

Need to be much more disciplined in general with this whole study thing. And so, the New Plan! A weekly schedule! Some sort of regular routine, just as if it (my PhD etc) was a proper job! make myself stick to regular working hours! Up at 7, coffee, food, shower, maybe a walk, at desk by 9! Can it be done????

Boxing Beer Bitch

From SameSame comes this picture of me at Kooky on Saturday night. Thankyou yet again dear Morgan!

My Body, My Business

At The Vanishing Point – Contemporary Art presents …

My Body, My Business
Curated by Grace Kingston

8 – 25 May 2008(Opening Launch Thursday 8th May 6.00pm - 9.00pm)

At The Vanishing Point – Contemporary Art565 King Street Newtown NSW
Free Entry, All WelcomeGallery Hours: Thurs 10am-8pm, Fri 10am-6pm, Sat-Sun 10am-5pm

'The opening night extravaganza will see body painting performances by Amanda-Lee Boatswain with live models, and twins Eleanor and Natasha Wolf exploring notions of identity through the use of reciprocal gestures and mark making. A special suspension performance by members of Newtown’s Polymorph Piercing will bring a very different meaning to literally hanging out at an art opening where bodies will be hung from fish hooks! '

SPUNK RATS

Fwd from some lovely queer freaks. You know I'll be in there- its called SPUNK after all! How could one resist?

SPUNK is a new magazine exploring masculinities and male genders.

We want to make a space were we can create our own visions of sexiness, fluid and diverse, reflecting, celebrating and reinventing our cultures and communities.

SPUNK is a new magazine for boys, men, trans men, butches, pansies, fellas, dandies, billy goats, blokes, arselickers, chaps, buddies, otters, gents, ravers, kings, gigolos, bois, puppies, bogans, lads, masters, banim, guys, bears, slaves, nerds, guerrillas, studs, bottoms, brothers, rascals, queers, rent boys, beefcakes, uncles, cock suckers, doofers, jocks, homos, tom cats, mugs, daddies, geeks, bisexuals, machos, fudge packers, westies, tigers, transsexuals, muscle marys, gaylords, philosophers, dicks, wolves, faeries, rogues, FTMs, cubs, buggers, labourers, alphas, waxheads, gender benders, intersex, queens, stallions, intellectuals, sons, thugs, poofters, males, bulls, gods, chubs, gvarim, fathers, home boys, transvestites, heroes, rams, crybabies, chasers, granddads, lions, bards, brutes, freaks, nancy boys, bulldogs, shamans, tops, bludgers, switches, cocks, poofters, bookworms, trade, sissies, badgers, faggots and other gender fuckers.

We are launching in September/October and want contributions from all
gender fuckers.

More info: http://www.myspace.com/spunk_mag

Contribution deadline: 1 August 2008

Show us your SPUNK!!!

Blowsy Sequins And Feathery Boas

This is a basic principle of living organisms. Life is profligate; life is a spendthrift; life can persist only by living beyond its means. You make things in extravagant abundance, and then you shave back, throw away, kill of the excess... Yes, its wasteful, yes, it seems stupid to make so much and then immediately destroy nearly all of it, but would nature get anywhere if she were stingy? Would will expect to see her flagrant diversity, her blowsy sequins and feathery boas, if she weren't simply and reliably too much?

- Natalie Angier
'Woman: An Intimate Geography' (2-3)

This quote is particulary apt for me at the moment, reminding me that I need to create more than I can reasonably use, to have some spare, to not be too tight with my resources, to leave a little something to slash and burn without losing the entire crop. The more you spend the more you gain. Reading this makes me feel lucky to be so big.

SLPA Bob Buckley Spoken Words Night *Call For Submissions*

From the lovely Buxom Wench:

Just where has that beautiful and tightly corseted muse got herself to? Look under the bed, give her a quick dust off and a glass of champagne and GET WRITING!

I have once again been delegated the task of looking after the running of this year's Bob Buckley Spoken Word event, which is an annual event in the Leather Pride Week 2008 calendar. And I need YOU to contribute!

Wednesday, 4 June, 2008
7.00pm onwards
Aurora Gallery
43 Bedford Street Newtown

This is a chance for show-offs and shy, retiring types alike to get up and share some words with a group of glamorous and enraptured types... The event is designed to provide a friendly and safe place to shard words of a bdsm, leather or queer bent. These can be words you wrote yesterday, have been hanging onto for years, or can be the words of another that are too hot not to be shared with a naughty and appreciative audience.

As those who attended last year will attest, there were giggles, some sad moments, serious contemplation and the odd moment where you could hardly breathe from laughing so hard! Oh and there was a fair amount of bouncing too...

You can contact me via grushenkadoll@hotmail.com if you would like to read or speak or perform otherwise vocally or would just like some more information. Please also feel free to post on other lists you think appropriate!

Weekend In A Potato Skin

Friday- Wobblie Pobblie. Managed to somehow pull off a silly show involving Teddy Bears Picnic and Elvis's Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear despite being rather ill still, thanks to a combination of pseudoephedrine cold and flu pills, coffee, vodka and beer. Think Goldilocks, a harness and dildo, latex glove, lube, and a number of stuffed bears wearing hankies and strategically placed undone seams and being violated in various ways. Finale was me in collar and leash, pulling needles out of my head (they were holding on my long blonde wig) and bleeding all over my purple-hanky bear... Worked well all things considered. Rest of night was fun and trashy, was exhausted but hyper from endorphins and so kept drinking beer and dancing and ended up crashing at the Nunnery with a friend. Cuddled and drank cider and ate cupcakes in bed and passed out.

Saturday- Woke up to Nunnery full of Melbournites and residents, ate toast and drank tea and somehow 8 or so of us arranged ourselves to head to Gordon's Bay for a swim. Glad I finally decided to brave the water 'cos it was beautiful and warm once in... dried off on the rocks and headed to Coogee for fish and chips in the sunshine. Back home, bit of a nap and a lovely big chat to the Westie (swoon!) and then onto Madame P's for dinner and Kooky. After much procrastination decided to wear my big black tutu, a padded boxing/footy (?) helmet, fishnet gloves and tights and a strange footy (?) shirt with padded arms, shoulders and front. Boots, white hanky, studded collar. It was an odd combination but it seems to work! Danced, schmoozed, drank, made merry, had a weird altercation with an ex-playmate (sad, 'cos I really did like her as a person- even if she is a bit vague and impossible to deal with she has some really nice qualities and is very sweet and soft) and chatted to my very first Daddy for ages (I have so missed having her in my world, and am SO glad that she is happy and 'alive' again!) and snogged a beautiful bear and had Puppet lift me up above the crowd and spin me around and proposed rude photo shoots for Spunk (the new boy/masculinity mag) and crawled home munted and mostly happy but slightly weirded out around 4am. Turned on the telly and there was the end of a doco I had been in years ago with the same Daddy (missed our part, if it was played in full)- talk about synchronicity!

Sunday- Woke up late, showered and caffeined myself, chatted briefly to the Westie (couldn't help it, its addictive *lol*) and then headed to some odd Potato Art exhibition in the park opposite Madame's. It is Year Of The Spud, and people had made all sorts of things from them and about them, from a giant abacus with spuds for beads to an IPod powered somehow by potato-energy. Stumbled into some other mates, hung out in the sunshine picnicking for a bit and then wandered with Madame up to King St eating her amazing pumpkin (?) muffins. Op-shopped a little, came up to Uni to write and blog and email and hang out in my 'office' for a bit, then should be meeting my mate from Melbourne for a drink before he goes home tomorrow. Phew!

And so, onto the next week... hopefully involving German class, lots of Uni work, submitting my ethics forms, visiting my parents, a trip to SCA to play in the art library and hopefully lots of nights curling up in flannelette sheets reading Armistead Maupin and listening to The Smiths and dreaming of what is happening on the other side of the continent. Ahhhhhh.

Its A Dog's Life 2

Tix for Bad Dog sold out at So, not sure about other outlets. Anyone have any spare?

Its A Dog's Life

Finally joined the Bad Dog mailing list, and received this email:

Things to be Learnt from Dogs


* Never pass up the opportunity for a joyride
* Allow the experience of fresh air and wind in your face to be pure ecstasy
* When loved ones come home always run to greet them
* When it is in your best interest, practice obedience
* Let others know when they have invaded your territory
* Take naps often and stretch before rising
* Run, romp and play daily
* Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
* Be loyal
* Never pretend to be something you are not
* If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
* When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently
* Thrive on attention and let people touch you
* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do
* On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree
* When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body
* No matter how often you are scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and put; run right back and make friends
* Bond with your pack
* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk

Perfect! And I just realised as I look at their site that I am on the front page in my cow mask! Yeeeha!

Ego Is Not A Dirty Word

Some people keep their egos in a bottom drawer
A fridge full of Leonard Cohen
Have to get drunk just to walk out the door
Stay drunk to keep on goin'
So if you got an ego
You better keep it in good shape
Exercise it daily
And get it down on tape

Ego is not a dirty word
Ego is not a dirty word
Ego is not a dirty word
Don't you believe what you've seen or heard...

- Skyhooks
'Ego Is Not A Dirty Word'

As much as I KNOW I am cute and funny and smart and lovable and curious and generous and sexy and one hell of a shag and kinky to boot and kind to strangers and creative and lively and fun and all round not a bad package sometimes all it takes is for one person to dismiss me and I start to question it all... not for long usually, and I have enough lovely people to pat my head and affirm my worth and enough good things in my life that I can see that I am not a useless failure who nobody loves fairly quickly. The bruises on my ego heal quicker these days but the initial blow still always stings.

16 Years Old

There is something about being smitten that makes me slip back, to a delicious degree, into some sort of giggly adolescent state. For me this means I want to sing Cure songs as I dance through piles of autumn leaves in the sunshine, and wear big swooshy dresses, and drink hot chocolate and burn incense and I wander about with a permanent damp patch hard on and a silly grin, and get all nervous and shy when I am being watched by the object of my lust and longings, and either tongue-tied or totally delirious in their presence and I can't think of much else except wanting to feel that special someone's lips on mine and to fumble about in the back row of the movies or drink vodka in the park and carry on under railway overpasses and hold hands in the street with them... Oh, and I even blush. Wow. Wet dreams and watching sunsets. Wow.

China Vaginas

Some anonymous darling just left this in a comment, but figured it deserved its own post. China Vaginas!

My TV Blew Up

Just like that, think it must have had too many infomercials and ad-breaks over the loooooooooong weekend (obligatory oblique reference) and so now I cannot watch The Bill from the comfort of my bed. This a sad thing. If anyone has a spare small telly kicking around would gladly take it off your hands, otherwise will get to buying one soon-ish I reckon, before the winter cold really kicks in. Speaking of which, am just about to fill up my hot water bottle and head to bed. Bliss!

Obligatory Oblique Reference

So, where were you when they announced the winner of the innaugaral Aus 'So You Think You Can Dance?'? And were you looking at the screen?

Out Of The Woods

After a good day and a half feeling like something the cat dragged in, all misty and exhausted and sinus headache from some sort of vague cold-like infliction, it seems that I am somehow back together again. Feeling a bit livelier, did a small show (roving at the Don't Look 2203 re/launch- a solo milk'n'cookies number with a very mixed reaction from the young'uns to being offered bikkies sprayed with milk from obviously fake lacto-tits) and have sorted out what to do for Wobblie Pobblie (changed somewhat but still involves B/bears) and can almost face Uni work. I did TRY and write all day yesterday but got stuck and dejected and just couldn't make anything work. Which lead to panic that I really should just pack it in now, and that I wasn't cut out to write PhD and blah blah blah. Still unsure, but hey, this happens from time to time and... it will pass. And if not, I've plenty else to get on with!

Beatie Has Some Great Pix Of Curdle

On Flickr, right here. Have a perv, I mean, check out the artistic merit...